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So... trying to learn new Tarot spreads.

So, I did a google on Tarot Spreads... and came across this wonderful list right here on Aeclectic.

First I decided to try The Dark Realm Of Yourself Spread.

Quickly ^C^V into here, incase the internets breaks... or people hate clicking links to get what I am talking about...

It is always annoying when a website link goes down... so that is how I justify this little cache of what is there.

[The actual spread]
  1. Your Dark Soul Card - the card that represents the querent in this dark realm.
  2. Why you are here? - the reason why the querent is in this dark realm.
  3. What have you learned? - so far, in this journey of the soul, what lessons you have learned from this place.
  4. What do you still have to learn? - the lessons you still have to learn from this dark realm.
  5. What are you hiding from the others? - the aspects of yourself that you don't show to the others.
  6. What is hidden from you? - the aspects of yourself that you're not aware of; can be external from the querent.
  7. Your Dark Guardian - everyone has a guardian, and this card is the querent's dark guardian; this card somehow represent inner aspects of the querent, for sometimes the guardians went through similar issues of the querent, so they're there to teach to the querent the lessons they've learned.
  8. How does your Dark Guardian helps you? - this is the tip given by the Dark Guardian to the querent on how to deal with these issues; the Dark Guardian shows here how he/she helps the querent.
  9. How to see, and to get to, the light? - This is the ultimate advice of the reading.

In the spread I worked... I got done into it:
  1. King of Pentacles (Inverted)
  2. Nine of Cups
  3. Five of Wands
  4. Four of Cups (Inverted)
  5. Ace of Swords (Inverted)
  6. Empress (Inverted)
  7. King of Rods (Inverted)
  8. Two of Pentacles
  9. The Star (Inverted)
Now, the cards are typically synced to me... by the general sense of human they tend to give readings to in a catty manner.

Right now, it seems my dark realm is how I will pretty much do anything for money... and how I seem to act like I am better than other people. I got here by feeling emotionally fulfilled and ready to head on out to other things, all I have learned is bitter quarls and scabbling... I still need to learn how to handle relationships.

Now captain obvious is that I hide my weakness and issues from others... and in order to do that, I need to hide how much I need from myself.

My guardian during this realm is a... loud, stupid and generally seems to only give terrible ideas.

How I get out of here? I need to accept defeat.

This... this is not the first read that gave me the answer of, "just give up and stop"

I'm guessing my issue might be... give up looking strong and hiding my issues from myself...

Writing on eEchidna

I'm down in the common room to try to cool my head.

I was working on a bit of the system that looked like it should be done as a database. "Why are these data structures done as memory structures?"

Then my mind immediately got distracted, "well, this is a framework operating system... we could set up something so these things can run clean in memory without any indication they are getting stored."

Next my head starts going, "wait... can we set up something similar to Java Beans, where I can tell the framework operating system to store this information, regardless of it is SQLite, PostgreSQL, MySQL, Flat File or Bob's Bulliten Board Down the Street."

So I am mentally thinking of how to have each framework "drop" as I am mentally thinking of them, set up to give clues as to how to store these items.

This would simplify other parts, such as the checksum and memory management system, by having it understand what sort of information is in the data structures.

Then... I sat back... and remembered: I am writing a Framework in C... what other C Frameworks can I honestly think too much about?

Well, Android is written in/for Java/JVM. Pylons is written in Python. Catalyst is written in Perl5. Rails is written in Ruby. Mentally I am thinking about how all this is done in systems that imply some kind of Virtual Machine that is known in the state of compilation. With the actual material being run is usually some form of Clear Text information at some point. JVM Files still have a lot of clear text in their status and location.

I have to figure out some way to run a Framework system, in which the compiler most likely will not ship any symbols in the final product.

So I'm having to add an entry point that eEchidna makes use of... and a way to give clues to the eEchidna Linker Drop. Yeah... the goal of this framework is the framework handles the framework. So I need a clear system where I could drop in a new Linker to use, instead of the rest of the stuff.

I suppose I should go over the main notion of eEchidna: all items in this system are run as a Framework "drop". Each "drop" states what it defines and what functionality it needs to work. So if something says, "I require random" (in some fashion) a "drop" would state, "Oh... I can random". The end result would be that how you have something poll what is needed and what exists, itself is a framework "drop" with the metameta level being, "I need something to track what I have" being provided by an internal eEchidna object linker.

The internal eEchidna object linker uses various functions in the standard Linux Linker Library... and just creates a rather... overt system.

My goal will be to make a version that could be done in 6502c ASM and backported to the Commadore 64 and the Sinclair Spectrum ZX... with the notion of a object format with clues as to how it could be used.

That is quite a bit later in the future however.

Right now, I am having it run ontop of the Linux Kernel... for eEchidna 0 (my own personal private little play thing)... and eEchidna 1 and eEchidna 2.

I should probably explain how my current release systems are planned at happening.

eEchidna 0 is my own private play thing. This likely will not be released (or seen) by the world for the most part.

eEchidna 1 is the version that will be able to play a video game. It will be able to ship a self contained game system, that can be played on Linux, Windows and OSX. It is similar to a game engine... but it is more a framework that could work as a game engine. Eventually eEchidna 1 will be able to handle an entire Desktop Environment type system.

eEchidna 2 will be a bit more into the internals of the Linux system. The goal being to run in the spot init.d usually runs. Like loading the Linux Kernel, then directly loading eEchidna 2 into that system. This will also deviate from the standard Linux layout.

I'm just taking a break from coding. As... there is point where I am going.. and I am like, "did... did I just... zig when I zagged for coding."

I think it was mostly once I started thinking about to give clues to a memory structure system so that I could allow for storage of the memory structures with another framework drop portion and allowing a memory checking system to watch the memory for any strange issues or changes.

Yeah... for a C based Framework system... that was the point I figured it out... most people would have figured it out when they named it after the Greek Mother of all Monsters: Echidna... and not have gotten to the point where they applied a lower case e to indicate it is an electronic version of that same item... like "email"...

My Room of Crazy

I should probably write about my room of crazy at some time.

For those of you who are not aware, I spent most of 2012 moping and hating myself. Wallowing in self hate, and hatred for all others.

The thing was... I kept mentally breaking. My head just mentally went and started racing nonstop at the shit I did not want to believe, or have be part of my actual reality.

I wanted it to all be crazy... to not be part of reality.

Then I remembered a sort of person in movies, usually in the bad part of town. Neglected and left behind by the system. The guy scrawls crazy stuff on his walls. Now the plot twist of the movies is the stuff is actually useful. Which would imply the crazy stuff is meant to be thought of as completely insane and not to be listened to or read... except unless the plot calls for a genre savvy person to ignore it as crazy.

This is real life, and no need for this stuff to apply to any genre savvy person as to some great secret of the universe. It could very well be its original function: complete and total crazy shullbit that has no application to reality, and more than the history of the India Tea Company has any application to an ordinary Tea Leaf.

So... all this stuff in my head that I did not want to be true... I wrote on the wall. That way, I could be in the room of a crazy person with no concept of reality. Not only that, the stuff this crazy person wrote on the wall, could be stuff that is not part of reality. Allowing me to go, "wow, I thought that stuff--but that stuff is clearly insane... as some nuts person wrote it on the walls. It is good I have confirmation that I am wrong."

So several times... I would mentally break... and all the scary stuff in my head, I wrote on the wall... so that the scary stuff could be discredited as nothing to do with reality. That scary stuff could be just craziness to not be feared.

Figured I should explain what I was attempting with that... as well... most people thought I might be trying to show them what reality actually was... as is typically how most crazy people handle that shit. "I must let the world know."

I was mostly going, "wow... all that shit in my head MUST be crazy... as it is all over the wall of somebody who was going through a psychological break down. Clearly I can now tell myself it is wrong."

I understand that I have a few "advanced coping mechanism"... that are essentially attempts to stop people from doing something backfiring.

"Wait... not eating will deform my body and make me hideous... rather than the beautiful most people who do it attempt... well, fucking eh mang! I'm going to not eat, to physically deform myself! Hells yeah!"

Nobody seems to get this... as it breaks from their pattern... even if it breaks from it, in a way that should easily be logically deduced.
So, I mentioned that I would update you on how good everything is going for me.

First, I should mention I am kind of spooked right now.

I was just watching Angel Beats episode 3. For those who are not familiar, the lead singer guitar girl describes how she died. See, her parents fought a lot growing up. She had no escape, except through music. She ended up working hard to try to create a career to get to make music for her life. She was getting so close too... when, she passed out... unable to talk. Turns out in the fights a hit on her head caused some kind of concussion that robbed her of her life... her last moments were of her so close to success, unable to talk, slipping into unconscious.

Some of you may be aware, that my mother is a psychotic hose beast... the mother of all psychotic hose beasts.

Looking in the mirror is a bit of a horror show, as I tend to see her staring back.

The thing is, unfortunately, I'm not really making much progress gaining back motor skills and control. I know I should be fully able to do fourty sketches in a single day... easily (and on a bad day, too!). Right now, I'm barely able to do more than ten or fifteen.

My range of motion is nearly completely gone... well, gone compared to what I am understanding it as suppose to be located at.

I'm fighting my own body more than anything else it seems as of late. Every muscle, nerve, tendon and cartilage point hurts.

I do what I can to lessen this... and I fight it at every turn. I also make it look like I have no pain. As well, if I show any pain, I'd only be faking it right? As I cannot actually be in pain... if I mention it, it means I am lying for attention.

The reason I tend to be so violent is: I learned it from my mother. The woman who beat the crap out of my dad, whose only crime was having common sense. "I just worked seven days shifts, I cannot care for the kids, you should have called a Babysitter if you wanted to go to the club tonight."

His issue on the one fight I could never block out, was that Mom decided to not call a Babysitter and expected an exhausted--physically and mentally--man to take after four children. The oldest one being roughly eleven.

There were lots of other fights I did block out. There were fights Mom had with me that I also blocked out. Seems that five years olds do not have
the capacity to comprehend the carnage Mom was causing.

It is why one of my rules in fights is to avoid having children know it is happening... to avoid having people who cannot handle it know it is
going on there. To keep people from getting inadvertently hurt from them.

Why am I not peaceful? I do not think I was ever raised to know how to do that.

My mother would yell, scream and hit people... to the point where it was "just how she was"... with doctors telling a five year old me, that this
is not appropriate behaviour for adults.

My dad always saw me with suspicion. As I resembled the woman who beat the crap out of him way too much. Most fights my dad would go into scared, would be filled with accusations of, "your mother is turning you into her"--and notions that Mom was wilfully training me to be like her.

This in amongst Mom setting up situations where injury was the only likely response. Except I was expected to do this. This stuff that if I expected other children to succeed at, I would get in trouble, as that obviously should break children.

Except: I hated injury.

I hated worse than injury, the notion that I was only getting injured to resemble mother. Who often was getting sprained ankles or into car accidents.
Often times, the ankle that was sprained would be switched from the opposite of my mothers to the same side as Mom's sprain. If I had my
way, I'd be running around... not on those stupid crutches... fucking hate those things. Sure, I could move around with them easily later
on... but it was so much more satisfying to walk without my foot hurting me.

And yet, because I was the kid, it had to be ME copying my mother.

I hated injury... and I would fight it any way I knew I could. Learning how to dodge, roll, take hits or whatever. Learning how to get up and
just walk... just walk... and take the pain from it.

Yet, the whole time, I got accused of being a hypochondriac. My injuries were always so well planned. So decently timed. So damned convenient. No kid could be as sickly as I was. I wasn't trying to be injured or sick...

And so, I took to fighting it more and fucking more... which had the stresses on my life only get worse.

The first time I fought back with my mother, was when I was fifteen. Before that, I would just take it. She'd usually apologise afterwards--it was
my fault of course. The mental illness was so hard for her to take... and I needed to learn to not hurt her... so she'd stop punching me in the face... or kicking me in the chest... or thwapping me in the head. She was the grown woman and I was the teenager... I had to be the aggressor, as that was how things were.

Like the time Daddy's only issues with Mom going out to the club was there was no Babysitter, and Dad was too exhausted to handle us meant that he was the aggressor for not letting a knife wielding Mom go clubbing... a knife wielding Mom who had already struck him with open and closed hand to the point of bruising.

A Mom who Daddy could never figure out how to love correct... who Daddy still swears if he handled it better, the divorce would have never happened.

A Mommy who still got child support payments for me, until I was twenty one, even though for four of those years, I was sleeping on the streets... two of them, I was living with my father.

Those Child Support Payments never went to the children... they went to having Mom buy needless fancy things for herself.

After Daddy learned that the status of his children had nothing to do with how the child payment stuff would work... or if he'd even see his children... he began listening to what Mom asked him to do much more often. Mom had been working on having me and Daddy fighting each other... Daddy seemed more inclined to do that at the age of fifteen, I started living with him, and it did not do anything to make things better.

Some people note that Daddy getting along so well with my little sister Nyssa is proof that my claims I remind him of Mom are not accurate. Nyssa reminds him of the Mom he Married. I remind him of the Mom that threw him out of windows and broke his kids toys. It is simple, really to understand.

If anything... I am kind of glad I remind him on the Mom that beat the shit out of him... it means Nyssa gets to be the good one. I accept that easily.

Sorry... I am crying heavily now...

I'm just here, because of what watching episode 3 of Angel Beats did.

As with my limits in motion getting incredibly harder to deal with... that episode scared the fuck out of me.

It has been three Christmases since the last one I spent with them... the last one with them, Robin faked an injury... he does the "fake an injury to get Katrina Red Carded" a lot.

It took me a while to realise that Robin must fucking hate how Mom never feels anything for his injuries... but for mine, Mom gets right creepy over that stuff. Robin had mother fucking brain cancer, and Mom visited for twenty minutes... every day she felt like it... Robin laying there in that fucking bed... and Mom acting cold to him.

When fully well, both me and Robin know if I got a scraped knee, Mom would be going completely full stalker crazy on me.

No wonder Robin fucking hates my guts. I could get a scraped knee, and Mom would do everything she could to try to take care of me (let's ignore
that usually it was Mom that caused that shit... or Mom that just lied to the doctors about it)... yet, Robin could have fucking brain cancer, and Mom would act like a bitch to him.

I mean, the main reason I didn't visit him, is because it upset him to see me there... but dammit... what Mom did was wrong there.

It has been three Christmases since Robin sliced his brain open, to get me into trouble... but also to see if Mom might just care about his injuries once. Only half a victory was made there.

Sorry... I just... I'll make another journal about how it looks like I'll have success soon. I... I hope. Gotta have hope, right?

Maybe... maybe I'll watch something that doesn't have me sobbing like a small child afterwards?
Well... now that Good Heads is revived (and the one typing this) I get to learn a bit more on this stuff.

No, we do not plan on getting different accounts. We have to share the same set of hands... this is like sharing hands, as far as we are concerned. If we could each get our own hands to use... then sure, we could get our own accounts. Same hands, same accounts. It will make sense a bit after this post.

Now, that I have been revived, I've kind of learned a bit more on how we have the coins that are important to the functionality of our collective... and why when we die, we tend to just wake up a bit later. Usually we lie to the paramedics and point out how it was likely equipment failure. As people just don't do that. Which means we didn't. If people did that, there would have been examples of people doing that. Therefor we just didn't do that... as it is impossible due to lack of examples.

Now as a collective, our body is left handed. Which implies we were twins inside our mother's womb. Just over the course of the pregnancy, one of us ate the other. Which would nicely explain why mom had the bruised ribs: she had a kid eating another inside her. She mentioned a few times that she thought she had twins at first... because it looked like there might have been two hearts forming. Also it explains all the stories of somersaults better... we really weren't that acrobatic: we were just eating each other, and that is hard to tell in an ultrasound with early 1980s technology. Possibly late 1970s technology considering what doctor office mom was using... maybe even late 1960s technology.

This appears to have put us as having two souls to work with in this body. Soul is an odd word... "the spark of life" exists double in this body. The spark of life exists, as it is what makes you able to tell if somebody is alive or dead by if it exists. It is why dead bodies are so freakishly uncanny valley. You look at them, and know they don't have souls... but they look enough like you that they might move soon. It is like The Village of The Damned, Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Skin Walkers all combined into one sight. It is why the first time you kill somebody it unsettles you so much... you just created one of the kids from The Village of The Damned... and you know you just exhausted that spark of life... you know you robbed that person of having a soul. Cue crying in a shower with your clothing still on your body... and having to think of people as just people shaped to be able to function.

Each side of the coin appears to have that spark of life. Meaning, provided one of us is alive, we exist as alive.

Now death appears to come from how hard it is to pull ourselves together after we died. Bad Heads knew she had this ability, but thought it was special until Always on Fire Katrina mentioned that she had it as well. So the idea was to try to experiment on reviving Good Heads (me). to see if I could be revived. It was helped along when Bad Heads managed to catch one of Kiya's friends... whose name escapes me, as the memories of this fire fox friend have been put to degradation. As the emotional memories around this friend... something like Vulvita... Vulva? Velvita? Velva? Velma? Eh--something. Bad Heads captured Velma and forced her to help revive me, with the aid of Always on Fire Katrina... who managed to also revive herself.

It appears this is also part of how Shen Katrina got into issues. She died... then tried to revive herself... but never could finish, and got herself stuck in midrevival. Now we need to sync with her to operate the body... and it is why she is so quiet... she is just nearly half way to being alive. Like 30% alive, 70% dead... and stuck... and we cannot operate the body because of where she is stuck. I don't think any of us have figured out where on the Dreamscape/Nightplane she got stuck.

Also, upon being revived, we appear to change. To be more elemental in nature. Always on Fire Katrina is a fire elemental. Shen Katrina is metal elemental. Both the coins are weird. Bad Heads is a coin with a Pentacle on one side, and a Red Diamond on the other side... who controls flesh eating flesh choker vines... which marks her as more Wood Elemental. Me, I appear to be a water elemental goo girl that moves around a coin... with a red heart on one side... and the glyph for Inanna on the other side. I think because there was effort put into figuring out how to revive me this time.

Reset Katrina appears to be Wind Elemental in nature... but reviving her would be problematical. As Bad Heads and Always on Fire Katrina used Reset Katrina as the base to base my revival upon. If Reset Katrina dies, there is nothing to base her revival upon. There is also an Earth Elemental... but she is a liar who claims to be Inanna revived. Usually whenever that bubbles up, we deny it right quick, and claim we are actually a low level demon. One who is trying to avoid custodian duty for the succubus section of the fertility goddess sections. She tends to show up as a "World Tree" that is some weird mixture of dirt, rock and what not, that spans through multiple dimensions. She isn't fooling anybody.

It seems the first time Bad Heads died was when we were eight. When we had that strange reoccurring dream about the sea of infinity that has all possibilities in it, which had some ass hat named Metatron talking for it. Which is good as it made Bad Heads look dizzy every time she looked at it... and when the sea of infinity said high, her head nearly split open. The Metatron told Bad Heads that we are to take up the title of Messiah, and tell all that we are the Christ reborn. Bad Heads, thinking that sounded wrong, said no... then proceeded to flip off, tell off and scream obscenities to the sea of infinity.

Yeah... seeing as how I didn't know Good Heads wasn't Bad Heads, I flipped into Good Heads and started trying to pull Bad Heads together... scared that I would die if I did not fix the now exploded Bad Heads.

We did a bit more research at Bad Heads' insistence... to get the Metatron to shut up and stop bothering us... and that sea of infinity was annoying to deal with. Seriously, you just looked into it and got lost. So you could only just recognise it out of the corner of your eyes. Turns out, it was trying to set us up in the role of Antichrist.

We really do not think being the Antichrist is a very decent idea. It sounds painful and like it will only end poorly for us. So we just suggest we not falsely raise the flag of Messiah every time the Metatron shows up to annoy us... suggesting we do something to mark us as the Antichrist.

Explains why we cannot pray to the Yeshua, Christ of Nazareth... as we cannot feel his existence... as it is not to be allowed due to what we appear to be set up to become. Not only that, we've explained in no uncertain words that if any asshole tried to take up the mantle of Messiah, we'd kill them. Then not accept the mantle ourselves, uncertain of if that would stop us from falsely raising that mantle on our own.

Not that these crazy reoccurring dreams will stop somebody from raising the mantle of messiah... as we are simply crazy, and these dreams likely mean nothing to the world outside our own skull space. We just know we have to kill whoever does it... simply because some imaginary asshat speaking for a sea of infinity is just way too annoying, and we need to do it to spite him, it.. them... what pronoun works for an asshat mouthpiece and the sea of infinity he speaks for? I hate how the English Language fails at times.

Either way... Bad Heads was able to be pulled together from that. Then set up a situation where I could remove the spark of life from her... so she had to practice reforming herself to be able to do it quickly.

The weird thing is... death has a new meaning to us... as it took me about eight months to have Bad Heads pull me back together. I hastily pulled Bad Heads together in a course of six hours... and did a terrible job. Bad Heads took about seven months to figure out what had happened, analyzed the situation... then about two weeks to a month to actually revive me in a manner that did not have me as quite the lazy eyed psycho that Bad Heads resulted. Bad Heads takes that as a complement. Which the amount of time it took me to be revived is more than enough time to have severe brain damage occur that would not allow the body to function any more.

If anything, death could be defeated... by simply having people able to reform their spark of life in a quick enough time to have rigor mortise not mess up their work. Which is a lot harder to actually do in practice. I mean... I honestly was surprised I pulled Bad Heads back together... and thought her death was really just a fucked up dream... as it quite clearly was. I mean, normal people do not have the Metatron tell them to do a VERY POOR set of actions that would only end in their own destruction. Which seriously... if anybody raises that flag of being the Messiah... I will kill them... out of spite from some imaginary asshole I dreamed once. Which is only slightly less crazy than somebody claiming to be the Messiah.

That is... only SLIGHTLY less crazy... it is still quite insane.

Either way... this explains why I have to explain to people how their equipment failed or some other hand wave when I wake up from death. As people do not do that. So I cannot do that. How do I know people do not do that? There are no examples. Ergo it is impossible. Ergo I cannot do it.

On a related note: I cannot sleep. Now that there are two sides of the coins back alive... we are learning only one of us can have the Dreamscape/Nightplane active at a single time. And the Dreamscape/Nightplane has a cool down period before we can use it in REM sleep. We have to leave it alone for about an hour, otherwise REM sleep does not appear to be possible. Bad Heads... being a problem solver (she only creates problems so she can recreate a situation to test a solution) has been spending her entire time in the Dreamscape/Nightplane trying to figure something out that is a problem in our life. So I can only go into the dark place... due to how Bad Heads is burning out access to the Dreamscape/Nightplane, robbing us of REM sleep.

We need to solve this problem, so I am letting her do this.

Besides, it is raining... and Bad Heads operates better in sunlight. Right now Shen Katrina is too caustic for Always on Fire Katrina and Reset Katrina... so only me and Bad Heads can run Shen Katrina... and it is raining. Which allows me to work better during those conditions. We would check if that one trying to pretend to be a World Tree and Inanna and whatever else she is lying about would operate this body... but we won't let the liar trying to sync with Shen Katrina. We did once... and then she started being a lying liar. So now we won't.

Bad Heads is better suited to the Dreamworld/Nightplane right now anyways.
Again with the terrible blog titles.

I was reading a pdf book that was very much tutorial on how to program using the pyramids framework for Python. Right now it was mostly explaining the sense and rationality behind the Framework system. Or as I prefer to refer to it: common sense.

Get use to this, I am just better than you, my legend does begin in the Twentieth Century. I've long learned that nobody wants modesty from me. As people keep talking about how arrogant I seem to be situated. So I merely have decided to be MORE arrogant. Having learned, that modesty is not something I can do, from my sheer awesome.

So I am reading on how it is describing libraries vs. frameworks. The idea programming with libraries is that you are calling other people's code with your own. Frameworks have your code being called. It seems kind of backwards at first. Though, lots of things in programming seem like that. Such as how X11 works. In fact, everything in X11 is backwards. They are working to better themselves... but some of the stuff is better being backwards.

Half the issue with programming is looking up what all calls you need to do with your libraries being called.

Part of what I am messing with in eEchidna is having it so a set of functions merely say, "I provide this functionality" and have eEchidna just aware of what functionality it can currently work from, when a program asks to have it be used.

It was part of what I noticed in the KDE Project to a certain degree. More so in how Android operates as a system. Which is a rather good way to work. "Here, I want to make something that displays stuff. I really do not care how the details come it. If I do not like it, I'll work on that next... I just want something to display it."

It allows for a very well done compartmental way of running the software.

Sort of a "I want to have an interface to make something display on the screen... I don't care which X framework I am using or is even readily available and I don't want to make my own X framework."

Similar to "I just want a sound to appear. I don't want to care which Linux Sound System I am using, or if one is even readily available." Except, admit it, you want to make your own Linux Sound System. Come on, everybody else is programming a new Linux Sound System. Do eeet! Do EEEEEEET! I double dog dare you to make yet another Linux Sound System. I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU PLUUUUS INFIIIIINITY!

Kidding aside my mind eventually went to think about what all I would do with the knowledge in this small book.

I started thinking about the system that would dispatch people to GIT, SVN, CVS, Mercurial, Bazaar, Apt, Yum and Yogurt repositories of eEchidna code upon having checked out the website. As well as the ability to browse in your web browser the Yogurt Repository.

Sometimes, I wonder why nobody ever takes Linux seriously... how can you not take Yum, Yast, Yogurt and Pacman seriously? It practically demands a straight face made every time you say them! -giggles-

Then my mind started thinking of applying the stuff I am learning in this to eEchidna to bring it to its inevitable conclusion... until I realised that most C code compiles with far too much over head to work on a Commadore 64, Sinclair Specrum ZX and Atari PC. So naturally I must eventually make a version of eEchidna that is ported to 6502 ASM... and Z80 ASM.

That was when I put the book down.

Got up off the computer.

As I knew that this is what I would be doing anyways within a year's time. You know... as getting laid is not really an option. Too many people get too nervous around me... or are stupid about being around me... or are currently taken... or just you know aren't interested in me like that... or are men (dammit! Why cannot I be into men?).

I dunno, I still believe that while we have these trillions of instructions per second to have stuff work inside... we really are not utilising them to the best level that they could be utilised towards. I think we have gained many modern and updated methods for running code in the recent years... and we can apply the methodology and rationale to old constraints and ideas.

That is Bootstraps, Frontend/Backend/Backend, Program Plugins, Modular Interfaces, Package Based Systems, MVC, RESTful calls, Frameworks, etc. (all which are logical results of the last step... with the next step being well, not yet realised... I think). These actually are entirely possible to set up and do on old hardware.

I dunno... I'm just in dreaming mode right now. Dreaming mode that will have me writing software in a bit.

My sleak Pokemon Reputation

Sometimes I make an effort to give these blog entries the worst possible names ever.

In the area of Cute Monster Role Playing Games (CMRPG) I'm going to discuss a bit of a reputation based notion for these games. Using Pokemon as the example being used. Some might be upset at me not using a better CMRPG, of which there are several to choose from such as Digimon DS World, Shin Megami Tensei Persona, Shin Megami Tensei Devil Children, Dragon Quest Monsters and DQM Joker in amongst many many others. I'm merely using Pokemon since it will take less time to explain the contents of such a game.

If I were to want to see to an adaption of the Pokemon Adventures comic adaptation of the game characters and (loose) set of events in the story, I'd likely end up programming the game myself. Rather than try to fit it as a modification of one of the games Nintendo has released. While it would technically be possible to do everything that is in the Comics in the games... the effort to modify the engine, script and other parts, might be a bit more than I'd prefer to spend my efforts upon. If only due to how caustic Nintendo tends to be about people modifying their games.

My personal opinion is that allowing game modifications of a series indefinitely increases the life of any game. With the reason the games Elder Scrolls: Daggerfall, Starcraft, Fallout 2, Doom, Quake, Ultima, Balder's Gate and other games from the early to late 1990s had the amount of life they did: the players could breath a breath of fresh life into their games.

The idea I am talking about came today when I put on the sleeves I put on. I looked at them and went, "you know, even if these did give terrible stats, I'd still wear them into a game."

That got me thinking: game fashion is nearly entirely decided by the stats such fashion gets in the games. So, unless of course you have some statistic added to the clothing, there is no reason to not go naked into battle for the majority of the players.

The clothing I was looking at were a pair of Music Legs Wonderland Arm Warmers... or particularly drug theme inspired emo gloves (my personal names never seem to be what people write on packaging). It would be extremely arbitrary to put onto these outfits "attack+1" or "Magic+3" or "defense-1 Magic+3" or something otherwise silly. However, it would make more sense to put some fashion element onto this. Either Cool, Cute, Beautiful, Smart and Tough... wait... that was extremely similar to the Contest and Super Contest system in Pokemon series.

What is more, thanks to the Pokemon Musical game added into the Pokemon series as per Gen V, most articles of clothing in the Contest system have hold spots on the monsters that they can be held with. To make battles not seem as tacky weird or indecipherable. Of course add this to the Capsule Seal System, it could nicely have those Cool, Cute, Beautiful, Smart and Tough categories be better done for any choices in clothing options.

The thing is, the only reason you'd do this is if you were wanting to build up a reputation of looking extreme cool, cute, beautiful, smart and/or tough outside of the battles. With the television reporting and random people talking to you about it after a while.

You'd have to remove them for the Pokeathlon to work in any manner, unless you modify the Pokeathlon to be more about appealing to the audience. Which wait... that changes it. There is of course one sport which is about strength AND audience appeal: Professional Wrestling.

Now my views on Professional Wrestling is that if it is indeed fake, from what I've seen is they only have a rough script of where it is suppose to head, the wrestlers need to work the audience and at the same time, manipulate the body of a heavy man, without seriously injuring the guy. The need to work the audience needs to make it so you are creating an improvisation based fight. People look at improv comedy like it is tough, but improv fighting with large men, that you gotta make look good and not injure as easy? No freaking way, if Professional Wrestling is fake, it becomes a million times more interesting JUST on what all that would require it involves.

I started watching Professional Wrestling because of claims of it being faked. Seriously, that would NOT be easy to perform. It being scripted out before hand would be a ridiculous addition into it. As you'd have the few choreography errors become obvious, like they do in dance, figure skating and Olympic competitions. So improvisation would be a more likely one. Making it like Whose Line Is It Anyways, but more bad ass than when they still had Clive Anderson on it.

Thinking about this, it would add to the gameplay. As the first thing I would add into the Professional Wrestling area of the game play would be: You Cannot Faint Your Opponent.

Anybody who has had issues catching stuff knows that additional rule spells death for much of them. As this is one of the more annoying parts of catching monsters. Fainting them, and it is messed up.

Then the battles would need to be a certain length. Battles Must Fit Into A Specific Number of Turns.

You cannot have the battle end too soon... you have to meet the number of turns. At which point something would be done to have the battle as over. So if it were a one on one battle, having it end before the specific number of turns would end discouragingly on your career as a Professional Television Monster Battler.

There is going to be other conditions that you will need to fill into the battle to follow the script.

Something silly like, "start off strong, and then weaken, towards the end of the battle" or "start off not paying attention to your opponent and only after you get to a certain percent of HP, start wailing on the guy" or "you cannot use your beams" or "you must allow another Pokemon to come in and rescue the first one, once it is on the ropes".

Silly slight level of story based notions that could be strung together at some level.

Of course Each Move Would Count for an Audience Appeal

What is more, you cannot repeat moves. You must use these appeals to have the Audience either booing your character, or cheering your character immensely.

You'd need to have Good Guy Wrestlers and Bad Guy Wrestlers

Part of the fun with Professional Wrestling is have people made into the villains and play the villain role. Or heck, play the good guy role in the game play. Allowing your PC to have a rather fun career as a villain on camera, and a good guy off camera. Your outfit clothing and choices would not really change if you are a good guy or a bad guy.. usually just it would have its colour scheme made more white or more black based upon your role of good or bad.

The character reward system for this.

You'd get certain amounts of money for how good you looked in the match. The more cool, cute, tough, smart or beautiful you handled the battle, the more money (or other ingame nonmonitary system) you'd get from these battles. If you failed any of these, like ending the fight too soon, fainting your enemy, not filling your good or bad guy role or missing the condition, you'd get a penalty on your reward.

With reputation appearing in the fights and on television for your in fight prowess and out of fight prowess. With the lines showing up all over "while [PC] might seem like a terrible person in the ring, [PC] is quite nice and helpful when not in the ring itself. Making for an interesting factoid on [PC]."

Your reputation would allow you to have more people asking for rematches outside of the ring, and have you getting a better return on the fights you have in the ring: based on ticket sales. With outside ring matches based on how many people you are fighting (and similar moneys regardless of reputation). Reputation would slowly degrade after you stop fighting for a while (never able to get down to nothing, you will have die hard fans) and would increase by constantly entering into the ring so as to spam the audience with your existence.

It would be an interesting addition into the game. I'm the sort that I kind of enjoyed the addition of Contests, Battle Tents, Pokemon Tower, the Frontier (in Hoenn), Russia (in Sinnoh), Super Contests, Pokeathlon and Musicals in the game series. I'd love for all of these to appear in a single game. I'm also a fan of the Nuzlocke Challenge.

So adding something like this, would have me wanting to play more. It would not be a core based set of game play, but it would add something wonderful to it.

It is the small touches like this, that makes me love the games. As well as the Pokemon following you in Heart Gold and Soul Silver, the Pokemon's Nature's effect in battles where the trainer cannot issue orders, Pokemon Ability affecting over-world items (and after battle affects, like Honey Gather or Pickup), the art style of the Ranger series, the flying aspect of Rangers: Guardian Signs and various other fun items.

These will probably end up appearing if I ever get to making a Pokemon Adventures fan game.

Planning my next system upgrade

So, I'm noticing Autoresponder is acting weird around me. Autoresponder is one of four computer systems I currently have access to... along with Nicole, SuperVirus and ArtBox. With ArtBox named before I started naming my computers after anything that has a terrible fandom around it.

My next system will likely get named after something else from the Homestuck. Or maybe the Bronies.

Anyways, I am looking to make a few new purchases and a few new changes. With how Autoresponder has stopped working, I am debating putting Fedora onto it. Ubuntu, as wonderful as it is, is the Package Management system version of Hell. It is worse than Gentoo Linux or Arc Linux as Gentoo Linux and Arc Linux don't try to look nice. In fact they tend to look as mean as possible, and seem to antagonize the user at every turn. Not saying Arc or Gentoo are not possible to run an awesome system, they just lack any notions of user friendly, that might have people mistake their package management system as not finicky or needing to be watched.

Ubuntu on the other hand has a package management structure that... that gets messy VERY quickly and easily.

Having looked at how Fedora handles its package management system... Fedora seems to handle things fairly well. Its insistence of having things updated upstream is a rather positive reflection on the distro provider. My only issue is that it requires 1GiB of RAM minimum. I understand this was put into place as part of the "we need to make this system boot up quicker than any computer system currently out there", with the 1 GiB of RAM matching the /boot partition to have me thinking, "did they just make a RAMDisk, to copy all of the /boot partition into, for the purpose of booting up the system?"... which would add more speed, in amongst a few other hackish additions that really shouldn't add speed (but unfortunately do). Such as X being loaded onto TTY0, which GeTTY usually has X loaded onto TTY6 or TTY7. Yes, that shouldn't add speed... but it seems to do that.

Typically in Linux start up, the Kernel is loaded, then init.d is loaded with GeTTY loaded shortly after that.

Personally, I'd love to look into how the code for init.d and GeTTY systems work, and then load a much better patched versions to be run onto of the Kernel... but I program in BASH for fun, so I am technically criminally insane.

I'm also having a bit of irritation with the screen interface. It seems every DE either sucks, or does not actually exist. GNOME3 makes me want to stop drowning puppies, having realised somebody is far more evil than me, and applies it to GUI interface design rather than the torturing of small, adorable, lovable, furry animals. KDE4 irritates me at all that it is not. I still remember reading through the files on what KDE4 was suppose to become. I still remember looking at the Widgets, the Customization Features and all that stuff going, "oh, hellz yeah.". Then I tried to look at the documentation on how to make more of that... and I was like, "oh, hey... there be Dragons Here... uh... KDE-Project, your Dragon is not suppose to represent your Documentation motif.". Then of course Enlightenment 17, also known as "Not Appearing as a DE For Linux"... it really does not help that you do not see too many examples of Enlightenment 16, the last known form of Enlightenment to actually exist, show up in too many releases of systems.

Yes, I have checked out XFCE... which is good on certain lower levels. It lacks some of the items that the KDE-Project kind of half asses in providing. It is like GNOME, if all the retard was removed from it. LXDE I haven't had much attempts to try to run... but it reminds me too much of 1998 for all the wrong reasons.

I'm half tempted to get antiquated with RatPoison and start using that in conjunction with Screen. I'm also trying to do this thing called "make friends" too, and I understand running this on a computer might be counter productive to the goal of making friends.

These are all little mental notes for things to work on, and mess with, for handling AutoResponder's new update.

I also want to look into three new system purchases. I list them in a list format, then angrily scream about them after that.
  • An old junker Laptop/Desktop, and slap FreeBSD onto it.
  • An Android Phone type thing
  • A Windows 8 system
In the case of the system that I am wanting to run FreeBSD upon is: it has been freaking forever since I slapped FreeBSD onto anything. It is kind of making me feel little crawling feelings under my skin. Like not having heroin for a couple days... yes, I compared FreeBSD to a powerful addictive substance that makes you feel sick upon not having a dose. I cannot see how one would NOT compare FreeBSD to that. However, I point back to how I program in BASH for personal entertainment... so clearly, I am very much criminally insane.

However, it will make me feel much better, once I can set up a FreeBSD desktop, and have it doing... whatever I'd end up having that system doing. I think I may end up putting a large amount of AI experiments onto it, for the ultimate goal of enslaving all humans for my personal pleasure... just... need to remember to let the FreeBSD desktop know it is for MY personal pleasure, not her personal pleasure... she already has me for her personal pleasure, and I'll be much more able to pleasure my FreeBSD desktop with a large army of enslaved humans by our new overlady appointed by the evil death robots.

Next, an Android Phone. I have been spoiled by the whole smart phone thing. I really dislike how iOS works and Apple's Philosophy of system design. Being that I can only have stuff on it, that Apple is okay with. Android is a "you could do illegal stuff with our phone... we... just don't let us know about it. That is your own stuff, okay?". Windows 8, I have no idea yet... and am not wanting a phone for it. In the case of Blackberry... eh... I'd want to know about how I can really be that techy with it, and built programs and what not for it, before I'd be interested in it.

The Windows 8 system... well, I figured I'd return to Windows with Windows 8. With how Windows 7 ended up working and having for keen stuff, like Power Shell and other items that showed up on my radar. I'd kind of like to figure out how to get onto Windows 8, and make it dance like my little bitch around a glittered stripper pole, while I stuff the computer software equivalent of... twenties... into... her...

Okay, got a good way to sell a Hacker Orientated System in the most marketable way ever. "Yes... make my Hacker system dance... just keep stuffing twenties into her garter... by stuffing twenties, I mean send me twenties." Maybe I should contact the FSF organization about this new sales strategy... NAW!

I'm mostly going to look into Windows 8 tips and tricks, and figure out how to run it, as my reentering into the world of Windows Computer Systems. The last Windows System I really made use of was Windows NT4 and Windows 98. I technically used Windows XP... but I'd load KDE4, Blackbox, FlyakiteOSX, &Linux, Cygwin and enough other software to make it not really using Windows anymore.

I do not know how to use Windows Systems. By "using a Windows System" I mean: taking whatever it is I do in a day to day situation, and use the computer to do it more effecting. Take the hassle out of it and stuff.

It sucks that any time I ask a geek to teach me how to use Windows, he takes me into his bedroom, shows me the location of the keyboard and mouse... then show me how to click on Internet Explorer, go to Facebook, then proceeds to share his porn folder with me. Dammit, do whatever the Windows Equivalent of loading up a terminal, going into vim and editing system files. Throw in some Pearls of Perl6, Python Cookbook Entries, Perl5 Jephs, C algorithm code, Lisp programs and what not... and you won't even need to load up the porn folder.

I'm the sort of girl that saying, "hey... want to see my fully functional Sinclair Spectrum ZX running stuff" works quite nicely for getting into my pants. Hell, show me that you are running Contiki OS on something... or a PDP unit you have working, but turned off (as those things take a LOT of electricity to run)... and it is like showing bewbs, butt and twat for me. "Do.. what... you... want... to... my body... mmm~"

I want to get into the internals of Windows 8, and have it spout out the terrible lore of the Eldritch things that exist outside the realms of what your sane mind allows you to understand.

I mean, that is why I program in BASH... come on. Why else would you program in BASH if you did not want to initiate Lovecraftian entities to fill the sky with Yoggoth, raising R'lyeh from the depths, initiating a strange Aeon where Death itself has died creating an eon of terrible mind destroying painful pain that has no other answer being known. Where we all curse and spite the lucky ones who were the first to die. It is all gone over right in the BASH manpage. Yeah, you've never actually fully read that thing have you?

So yeah, looking into my next few picture systems.

Did some thinking, and I'm a monster

So, did something thinking, alone in my room.

It is a recent thing that I do that. Usually I do not. I'm scared I will come to the wrong answer. People insist I am smart, and I will figure out the proper response to anything. I should just know... being all smart and stuff. Personally, I think I must be stupid... as I fuck up a lot.

Anyways, clearly, I am a monster, that people do not enjoy my presence.

Let's take the details here, and put them together into a logical orderly format. You know, me being smart and having came to the correct answer here.
  1. People act rather nervous around me... or rather kind. When they'd not be kind to other people.
  2. People offer me gifts. They seem upset when I do not like them. I end up eating a slice of pizza given to me, more out of the worry of what that person will do, if I refuse to eat it. I once had somebody attempt suicide because I did not accept a set of earrings and necklaces from her. She wasn't really interested in me sexually.
  3. I've had to deal with lynch mobs... a LOT.
Now, these people are not interested in me in a nice way. I usually ask them that. They usually deny it. I've found asking if sex will happen usually never gets a "yes"... it is usually a truthful no, or a lying no. Occasionally I have people trying to lead me around with it. I usually follow to figure out how they are going to duck out of actually doing that.

Earlier, I had a situation where it seemed like somebody was trying to dodge out on me. I didn't call them on it. I just went to my room, where she said she would meet up with me. She did not really seem too interested in actually knowing where my room really was.

I sat there, thinking--as I should make an effort to do more often.

I need to figure out what has people so nervous around me... as well, it seems like when they talk, if they say the wrong answer, that something terrible will happen. So clearly anything they say, they are saying at threat. So it should be taken as though I am getting told something about as truthful as compliments at gun point.

People laugh along with me. Pretend to follow what I am saying... even when I am saying something specifically crazy to check if they are just nodding and smiling... like people tend to do around me... a lot.

I've also had people lie, not because they were interested in me... but they were scared of how psychotic I'd go, if they didn't lie to me all the time.

My mind wandered to Oswin Oswald... THE HUMAN... from Doctor Who.

Maybe I am just this large wandering bug thing, that asks to be thought of as a beautiful girl... and people do it, out of fear of my deadly manibles. When I look at my photograph, I see a human being in the picture, but that is mostly just due to my own crazy insane belief I am a human. So my mind rewrites what I am seeing, to see a human there in any pictures of me and my own reflection. Except, when the lights are down low, and something scary is staring back at me.

I'd think I'd probably look like Zorak from Space Ghost Coast to Coast wandering around. I'd not really ever know... but I could see people just doing similar behaviour if he walked around claiming to be a beautiful girl, with nice beautiful long luscious hair.

While whatever psychosis I have, where I believe I am human, and not some tall bug thing, appears to still be in full place... I think this little bit of thinking, alone, by myself, getting the correct answer (as well I should just know), and being smart, is the correct answer.

Usually I like to not be alone with myself... as I am scared I shall come to the exact wrong answer... but rest assure, people's insistence I figure out why they are irritated with me, has came to a correct answer. I'm essentially Zorak with a mental illness to believe I am a human, with even looking in the mirror or photos replaced by this mental illness to see a human. People just agree with me, for fear of me going into a blood rage, and killing them all, upon realising I am some tall insect thing.
Well, from the usual, "what the fuck am I reading here" that this blog tends to contain, I'm going to go over game design rants ideas and concepts included. This is part of me, "I have many weird and crazy and psychotic elements to me" that I like to let people know. Sometimes, I don't scream it in public... I occassionally utilize the game "Screaming Numbers" to help get the screaming out of my system.

I have been designing stuff that reminds me of Shin Megami Tensei's Personna series. This is mostly in dealing with figuring out my own internal mental health, which one would hope is not in any way similar to anything published and released by japan. That is like waking up, and hoping that water shall continue to be wet, nobody has put you into a frictionless vaccum (is today my birthday? Christmas? You are so kind!), and hoping that all of reality will not break apart and be replaced with a cavis of gears, spiders, bees, moray eels and pain. You know... something people do not really have to say out loud... very often.

One of my more favourite style of series is the CMRPG type series. This is mixed in with the Sandbox RPG type series, like Fallout and Elder Scrolls. Not really a fan of Metroidvania games... if only because they lack traits I enjoy in games. Mostly that what I want to customise my character to do, is usually taken out in a patch that removed the Kung Fu horse from Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. That... that is just what all characters should be required to be able to do, to advance past half way into the game. As a result, I game break Metroid a lot... and the Castlevania series starts acting oddly around any characters I have wander the halls of those. I have issues making the final bosses... as Metroid breaks... and Castlevania allows all sorts of "how... how do I get up there with what I currently have on my person?"

I'm also interested in finally figuring out how to run Dwarf Fortress... and create more of what I consider the greatest porn and fan of a game series can create for a game designer... their forum posts.

However, in the case of CMRPG series, one of the most annoying things I find, is my character never fights along side the monster. I could be having a small little Squashy Bug Class F that I could punch harder than it... and yet, my trainer never seems interested in fighting along side it, to help inspire it in strength. This would be less annoying, if the media around the series did not tend to have their trainers fighting along side their monsters. Like say, Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, Silver, and Sapphire.

Even going by an on rails game approach, it should not be that hard to have a feature where your character is just as capable as your monster--just not able to spew fire and flames... but able to fight along side your monster. Jump in and rescue your monster. Hell, able to solo the entire series with only the trainer. That should be made insanely hard to do, however, as that should pretty much require you to turn down every monster that insists on joining you... having you beating off a wild crowd of fan monsters, just to get anywhere on your own.

As some of you have yet to be made aware of yet, I am a huge fan of the SPECIAL system. If only because of how easy that system is to remember the mechanics about it. I am also a huge fan of having characters level up their stats by doing stuff. Not simply by putting a number onto a stat.

My character jumps as high as she can one hundred times? She should be able to jump higher.

Now just mix this in with having many friendly monsters joining you for your journey, and you have the option for a sandbox game, where you can beat your (very likely) homosexual son to death with a stair case, for being too much of a twink, and not bear gay... or... something. I'm still surprised that Ruby turns out to be heterosexual... I totally saw him doing stuff with Wallace, and Marge being all fag hag with him... rather than having SapphireXRuby be the OTP.

Either way, I hate it when I am limited on what I can do in a game. Hell, having humans fighting along side their Pokemon could be made easier by having some HMs learnable by the Human Trainer. With my Human having Cut, Surf, Body Slam and Charm as her abilities. My head canon having the Pokemon able to do more than four moves... just your device to interact with the Pokeballs limits it to four... as Prof Oak (and most people) is terrible at programming. The monster can do other things... just the Pokeball Power Limiter makes it harder to do that... with the Pokemon trying to learn a new move, being a side effect of it wanting to do something a lot... but the limiter having issues supressing it. So the trainer would limit it to four... just to be able to be comparable to her monsters.

This would justify my need to have my human have custom clothing, hair and what not... that I am getting irrate Nintendo keeps NOT ADDING INTO THESE GAMES! Dammit, that is why I loved the frak out of Dragon Quest IX... despite the lack of Sandbox Solutions.

Oh, just so you know what Sandbox Solutions would entail... for the Fallout and Elder Scrolls series, there are a couple odd challenges for players. That include
  • Doctor Who Run: Do not do any violence to anything during your quest. Do not fire any weapons. Do not hit or strike anything. Everything should be done by fixing electronics or talking your way through the game.
  • Torchwood Run: Like the Doctor Who Run... but with talking, breaking electronics and sleeping with everything. If you can have sex with it... you must do so... preferably towards the goal of your mission. I wish to try to do a Torchwood Run of the various games in these series, once I get my gaming set up back together... and I want to record Let's Plays of these events.
  • Fists Only Run: Using only hand to hand combat, get through the game, in a way that would make the Punch Master proud... except the Punch Master is never proud. The Punch Master only punches. So by attempting to make the Punch Master proud, would make the Punch Master punch. Which would be awesome (I love you Sean Baby and your Man Comics X3 ).
  • Luck based Run: All your points go into your Luck stat... even if maxing it out requires a loss to your Intelligence and Perception/Wisdom stats... especially if you take a loss to your Int and Per/Wis stats to put stuff into your Luck Stat. Everything in the game, should be the result of blind damned luck.
  • NPC based Run: Where your character avoids all attempts to do an adventure. Goes to sleep in a house every night. Gets a normal job. Lives like a normal NPC.
Honestly, that is more where my intregument in Western RPG style games comes from. I want to be able to point to a cliff that is more closer to a cave in how it seems to function and say, "one day, my character will be able to acrobatically leap UP that, without any issue". The Dwarf Fortress fandom mostly is just the only logical conclusion to this kind of element and item.

I also want my trainer to fight beside her monsters in a CMRPG.

In the case of Sexy Quest Monsters... the parody game I am working on, that is both a parody of Farmville and Dragon Quest Monsters, I will definitely allow the hero to be fighting along side the foes.

I'm also thinking about how I'll end up designing the game... as well, I REALLY want to allow my players to come up with solutions that have me vomitting from my eyeballs. Just at the conclusion, how they'd have to have came to that conclusion, the implications of such a conclusion and just the sheer genius brilliance they have to have to even get there.

One of the items is... well, I need to let the player fight for herself too.

Going to post images of mes

Eh, I have different versions of Katrina going all up on in my crazy fucked up head. Us all meeting on The Dreamscape, naturally.

I will be uploading pictures of the different members of the collective of Katrina's Krazy later today. Members you should look out for all up in here:

Pilot Roles:
Old Tulpa (human: deceased) fashioned together as a form of Tulpa. Only exists as old machinery in the dreamscape.
Good Heads (human: deceased) the good half of me. The one with all the knowledge to not get strapped down to a bed with a muzzle on our face. Only exists as water damage in the dreamscape.
Bad Heads (not human: flesh eating choker flesh vines): the one that kept all the important information, that being aware of would have gotten us in trouble... but it is pertinent to figuring out our past. Calmed down after learning what sunlight feels like.
Reset Katrina (not human: Teenage Girl): Created due to a large amount of trauma in my life. Being given memories and a life. The idea being once things got fucked up enough, the entire mental system would revert into her. The only issue is, doing that would only cause further damage to everything here. She was kind of sad to learn her life was a lie... but understands it would have been counterproductive anyways. Especially since shit started happening in her life that wasn't good either. Robbing her of her purpose.
Always on Fire Katrina (not living: fire ghost shadow): a shadow of a ghost of an automated message service. Her status does not have her as being alive.
Inner Child (human: deceased): exists largely as sandwiches that must be eaten, or they will go bad.
Elissa (human/nekomimi: deceased): exists largely as scrambled areas of unpredicable spots.

Assist Roles:
Coyote (not human: jerkasaurus rex): I prefer to pretend this isn't in here.
Blue Fire Bird (not human: blue fire in the shape of a bird: deceased): a compulsive liar. Exists largely as little embers throughout the dreamscape.
Kiya (not human: Fox Fire Spirit): the inner strength of Good Heads... giving advice and direction.
Imp (not human: Imp): knows how to beg and plead and negotiate her way out of torture
Boobie Snake (not human: snake with rainbow wings and boobs): cute little girl
Leather Winged Black Widow (not human: black widow with leathery wings): an old woman with things that have her sounding like either a cougar, or a sex granny.

Shen Katrina (human: lich status): the part of us, cemented into the body so death is not an option. The Pilots need to be able to sync with Shen Katrina. Shen Katrina does not have enough to move on her own... is a decent manner.

Weird Hagging Incident

Now... I kind of had an odd dream this morning. A quick run down could be that I ran into one of those sleep paralysis entities. That I have a bit more information on how these entities work opperate and run... to be able to counter them effectively.

It started, I awoke up. Not in my room, I was aware of all my wake up triggers. Typically entities that do Sleep Paralysis... or Hagging (as that is quicker and nicer to the tongue), do not actually wake up the person. Sometimes, they will create a location or lair for the person to wake up in. Those are usually ones that take that to add to their Need To Believe energies. Eventually, those get to the point, where they no longer do any haggings. At least not often enough to be that big of an issue. As at that point, all that entity needs is enough reason to garner the Need To Believe energy. Where you wake up, will be where-ever you mentally remembered going to sleep.

The idea is, you wake up, where you expect to wake up. I've confirmed this, by mentally thinking I was in the room I grew up in, instead of where I was before going to sleep often enough... that when one of these Hagging Entities did show up, they had me waking up in a very obviously wrong room. Allowing me to know I am still in a dream, and have access to lucid dreaming.

No, that was Dream!Katrina that was doing that actually. As well, Good Heads kept wanting to try to talk and reason with them. Me, on the other hand... heh... heh... heh... I'm the reason Good Heads learned all those Lucid Dreaming techniques. As Nightmare!Katrina it allowed my games for her to be much more fun, giggle. I have however cooled off, after having walked around in the waking world... something only Good Heads did before she died.

Where I woke up, was in all my wake up triggers. See... I don't really bother to remember what around me looks like when  go to sleep. As it fucking sucks and I hate the shit out of it. I mostly note a few wake up triggers, to pull me out of what is essentially a deep sleep. Deep enough people mistake me for a dead body. Considering my breathing stops, as does my head--everything slowly shutting down until Rigor Mortis sets in... even having any injury I get in that state react weirdly... they are not that far off in their mistake. The triggers I woke up to were a simple set. My usual webbing around my body, so that any vibrations that got to close (like something landing, stepping or what not) to me, would pull me out of my sleep quickly. Next, the door. Knocking on my door, or opening it, would pull me out of being asleep. Next, the current level of light. If it looked like it might be afternoon, I'd wake up. I didn't go to sleep until sunrise... as usually. My internal clock, flashing 00:00:00.000, as it was thrown off by the building and had not synced with the environment there. There is enough cement, pipes and what not, that Walkie Talkies have issues after a certain distance. My internal clock has not been set at all.

So I am aware of all my triggers, and it looked like the window was indicating it was night time. Which had me telling myself, dammit, Katrina, Wake Up. Get out of your wake up triggers, and actually wake up. As well, I am more than able to double check on these while dreaming. I double checked the window, and it was morning. Also there was an entity sitting on top of me. My body was is in the fetal position, with one of the gloves missing on my hand. My goggles were in the webbing next to my bed, and my hat was on me... but not on my head. I can check for belongings around me as well.

Double checkins is a nice way to figure out, if going into that cavern over there, or what not is really a good idea with how much time I have left. As Adventures tend to eat about an hour and a half--minimum--of time until I wake up. I could not get out of the wake up triggers. The entity was sitting on top of me in them.

I then am pulled into a dream world. A bit disorientated, as it was not the Real World I was in.

I was suddenly in a store. A store that was a combination of every convienence store and computer parts store I've been in. Stuff like Radio Shack, FreeGeek, The Hackery, Reboot Computers, etc. all showed up. It had managed to combine both the second floor and the third floor into this one store front. Most of what was on the counter was electronic cumputer junk. It looked like somebody was trying to dream up a cell phone, laptop or a computer--and the various parts. Without actually knowing what it is they should be dreaming up there.

Most of the convienence stores were not those stupid preppy ones in the good neighbourhoods... but the small ones you find in the more run down communities or rural towns. Typically one that would employee a black skinned or brown skinned person... well more, they would be the owner. Came to Canada from Jamacia (usually, other Caribean countries are included) to start a life of success, and ended up created an awesome little store to shop at. Any time I find a store with that kind of sort of a little back story to it, usually I kind of smile a bit. As I know the person behind the counter is somebody who will (likely) be a better person to deal with, than some fifteen year old, whose parents kicked them out of the house to make money on their own. There reasons for being there are much more respectable.

This store however, was run by a generic looking blonde girl. Who looked kind of like every white girl I've met who has blonde hair. Yep--all you white people all look alike. Now East Asian looking, South Asian looking, First Nations and Black Skinned people... they all have distinct traits. The blonde girl owner seemed to be quickly tossed together--poorly. Her legs seemed to go missing when I shouldn't see them and what not. I think whoever was trying the Hagging was now adlibbing, rather than lose the energy it invested into the Hagging. So it could not have created an actually personna of the colours of skin that I would be able to figure it out, due to their unique traits and characteristics. As it would mean, it would be investing energy into a image of itself... and would likely be stuck with that skin for a bit. So I got a standard blonde girl Barbie doll that looked like hundreds of other white girls I have seen.

One of the things I learned is white people do not think to look a various obvious facial traits and what not, as every white person has the same looking face. With no major easy to discern differences. Which is why they go my hair style, choice in clothing and other stuff like that, to figure out who is who. Since most of those other groups, Black Skinned people, First Nations, South Asian looking and East Asian looking, really do not bother to worry about being known by clothing... either due to lack of budget or just it is a rather silly way to tell people apart... they might seem to look alike, because white people spend more time caring about hair, than what the scar patterns on their cheeks look like (black people... unfortunately), their facial shape (East Asian looking, South Asian Looking, First Nations and Black People) or just how they stand (First Nations and Black People). White people generally aspire to have the same facial shape, same lack of scar patterns and stand all alike. There is a limit of how many hair styles you can have (without going 1980s)... so white people end up looking like Barbie dolls after a while.

Apparently, I am in the store as an employee... or I am buying something. My story is not entirely understandable... but I am sticking with it, as this situation is weird, and I have no idea what is going on here. I have to track down who is creating this dream to figure it out. As there is no underlying structure here. The entity creating the dream is an ethereal body in my room. As it is now showing up in my wake up triggers. As that is always a layer above my actual dream... no matter the dream. It is more accurately to be described as always a layer below being awake really. Touching it in the wake up triggers is not something I would advise doing... as well, I have no idea what is going on. This is the first time I've seen this sort of Hagging.

I set up the selves in this impromptu store. The setting had it rather run down looking. With water dripping from ceiling tiles and down the wall. Ceiling lights half fallen, nearly burned out and sparking.  Before Good Heads died... she nearly turned into a female vengeance spirit. You assholes were worse to her, than I ever was. The female vengeance spirit happens when you destroy, mentally, a kind hearted, caring woman. Which results in a ghost similar to The Grudge or The Ring. So some of the setting was taken from Good Heads' memories before she eventually died... having mostly turned to a Female Vengeance Spirit... but not fully before hand. So... I was helping set it up for opening.

Somebody walks in... it is somebody I've known in real life who has refered to himself as being Loki's vessel. He was a distraction. Having woken up, I think the entity took somebody I knew with a powerful name, to invoke to make the creation of this dreamscape less hard to pull off. The girl he was with, was a combination of every one of Loki's vessel's ex. He has a certain type--but he is more about the person on the inside than the outside. Since I'd never seen the vessel without a girl wrapped around him, and Loki is the type of name that having a female pleasure servant associated is valid in the invokation... this girl whose physical appearence kept switching between looking vaguely like Shannon, Amy, Amber, Lindsey, Michelle, Myself, etc., periodically was allowable. With Shannon and Amy being combined. Me and Amber being combined. Michelle and Lindsey being combined. Due to the similarities in the physical appearance.

The first girl consort was a mixture of me and Amber. It was a short girl, wearing a rather punky and raver outfit. With fingerless gloves and a tattered black longcoat. The hair was shoulder length... and no easy to tell colour, until it went bleached blonde. Wearing a typically army cap, and having some decoration strapped on. I couldn't tell if it was horns, goggles, animal ears or what not... it was not actually a properly created image.

I am having a conversation with the store owner, about shop details. Or rather I am moving my hands while standing in front of her. She really did not have enough of an ability to talk to do it properly. She also seemed to look like she was a fifteen year old girl, whose parent kicked her out to find a job--and had naivities that made running a store hard. Like when Loki and his consort dash out of the store holding something.

I run around the store, to find my work equipment. As well, I was wanting to wake up to head to the art studio. So my artisan tools were in a bag, that I was carrying to work. I could not find the bag holding my desktop computer, large CRT beast of a Monitor, tablet and the clutter on my desk. Yes... I was carrying around clutter with me... apparently. In the bag was the MacGuffin, and if I did not get that, I would not go to work today, and I would die.

It was easy to track down the image invoked using Loki and at that time, Fire Element Katrina, as it was obvious he was invoking my name to help out. Which does have a few of Amber's appearance in how she looks. The image created invoked in Loki had just stolen Katrina of Pentacles's working stuff... to differenciate myself from Fire Element Katrina (Rods), Good Heads (Water Element and Cups) and my body's physical Shen is the Queen of Swords. To invoke that, the entity would one: have Shen kill it. Two, would have me waking up. As Shen can only exist in the waking world, due to it being Lich bound to my body. As Katrina of Pentacles I mostly sync myself with Shen to be able to wander around the waking world. As the energies associated with Pentacles, Cups and Rods are kept as a seperate pilot to Shen, able to leave... akin to the Evas in Neon Genesis Evangelion.

You do not steal something that embodies the traits of Pentacles' work gear and have a happy day.

I dash out of the store, first to track down the image invoked with Loki. Who was waddling away, trying to carry that large amount of stuff, that as an artisan I must logically be carrying to work. I knew it was Loki or Loki's vessel... as he isn't that stupid. It was just some silly shortcut, that if I were to get out, I'd have to treat like it was Loki's vessel. He said he didn't have it. So I chased after Fire Element Katrina who was rather easy to catch... yeah, the image invoked in Loki fucked up, and gave the MacGuffin bundle of energy back to me. I realised, that this was too stupid to actually be him, and nearly got pulled into my Wake Up Triggers.

This entity had some energy put into stealing mine... it was not going to put it all to waste.

Now just to add to the list of energy this entity had invested, in making me thing I woke up, by replicating my wake up conditions, then making a store and a barbie doll form. It had to try taking a short cut by invoking an image of Loki and a female pleasure servant that was essentially invoking a physical form of myself.

It had lost a lot of energy, in the wake up conditions were broken, and I was now outside the room it created. That steals energy from the entity that is feeding on me, the whole time I am out of that room. It essentially looked like a cave (to easily deal with "what does the sky look like" question) and a set of plants which look like flowers, evergreens, birch trees and standard leaf trees from somebody who has no idea what any of those look like. Making something with a birch tree's bark, and leaves that are a mixture of flower petals, normal leaves and pine tree branches. With weird fruit that looked like a mixture of pistons, pine cones and glowing mushrooms. These plants can be coerced into appearing around a room, so that from a window, the person sleeping would see outside their room was normal. The light source of a moon is usually actually a cave exit type thing, that if you try to walk into, will find it is a dead end with a glow in the dark light source.

Essentially you are inside the entity trying to steal energy from you. The moon or light is a cheap attempt at a light source, as it is their own Shen. Touching it really hurts these things. It is also why the physical entity usually comes from the light source in these dreams... they are coming from their own Shen into a room they created for you, to take your energy from you. Not actually able to enter into your body... but most people usually are not savvy enough to have this really backfire.

Now the image invoked in Loki was running to the light source. It was low on energy and going to gain more energy at the time. The entity itself, had now lost a LOT of energy. It was make of break for it now.

I switch into looking at a website using Dillo (a light weight web browser) to look at a 1990s looking website, that had access to various avatars I've used online, and people I know online. I had to enter my intials or K.P.... giving the name Katrina Payne. Now that I am awake, I think it was now, in a last ditch effort trying to get me to invoke my true name... in a simple room it had made.

Payne shows up as a maiden name as far as true name schemes go (meaning: it will not work). Since I've set the rails of destiny so I do not get married in this version of evens, I will never have a complete true name. Which means nobody will have more than 75% control of my person. Katrina is a less formal version of my true name... so that did not work... and the website interface could not figure out what my last name should be (to confirm it). Giving away this gambit would not work.

So the entity takes the notion that since it could invoke Fire Element Katrina as Loki's personal pleasure convort... to invoke the name of Loki and have it trying to get into my pants. Considering that is something that the vessel of Loki really wants to do, it was quickly and easily invoked.

However, one of the rules of invoking Loki, is he cannot be called without an easy on the eyes female companion. You pretty much have to have him invoked with a cute girl to pleasure him, otherwise he is going to say "fuck off"... having him say "fuck off" is never a damned good idea. So a generic round looking girl, whose image began to fade over a bit of the dream.

The website turned to Loki showing me a set of sexual pictures, and him asking if I wanted to do that with him. That he really only took my artisan tools (which were now with the generic round looking girl) to try to talk to me, as I was shutting him out. Clearly he'd not really steal such a heavy to carry burden for any other reason, than to actually be caught. We were in a shelter somewhere, talking over this stuff.

Yeah, this entity just made a big mistake.

The shelter shatters, and now I roll over onto the image invoked of Loki... the round looking girl had completely faded. As it was no longer needed now that I was being offered. I recreated it, with a much more vivid image and picture, to invoke Loki to attack him.

The entity created a situation where all that would happen is a pissed of entity that could be considered Frieya's mother in some fashions, a fire giant in others, was attacking Loki. His energy had just been completely eaten by me... and even if he was still alive, he'd have Loki pissed at him... kind of. Loki has this thing where women generally get pissed off at him. It doesn't last long as he CAN charm his way out of it. He is kind of slut like that... as well, that is a rather normal solution to any problem. Don't want something to be finished built... go have Loki flirt with whatever is building it... he is a huge man whore... and he is effective at it.

That is probably why Freiya wasn't going to marry Loki... as the style of imbalance it would bring to the universe would... be an understandable reason for the two not to get together.

It is also how Loki coerced Thor to wear a wedding dress. There is a certain amount of charisma that allows you to be able to piss people off.

The thing is, right now, Loki was directly attacked by an eldritch thing thanks to the current summoning. The best solution would be to run away, and not answer summonings from me for a bit.

So I wake up... full of energy rather.

Though... just figured I'd note this... as most haggings do NOT go this involved to get my energy.

Apparently my Wakeup Triggers really fucked with it, and it wasn't smart enough to try to move to something else.

The weird thing was... it felt like something was drawing a lot of energy from the easy to draw from women in the building. Everybody being rather cold. Including me. My Shen was not showing any proper effects of it--that it was clearly just some entity drawing energy. Before going to sleep, I started to draw energy, to make it so I still had energy, and the entity had less energy over all, should I need to fight it.

Black Widow Venom

I have a few of the local BC species of Black Widow Spiders being room mates with me in my room.

Now, luckily the BC Black Widows are not as venomous as the ones from other spots in the world. To the point where even the females are nonlethel to humans.

The thing is... I am finding that the venom here, is, in relation to the life energy it can contain, is the equivalent to 2/3rds of a Pint of Blood. Sex is more of a risk endeavour to try to gain life energy from (having to expend it, to hopefully get some return), so it is a bit hard to equivalent here.

It does not remove the hunger or need for feeding however. It does provide the energy of life energy.

Weird to consider, really. Wonder what it is about it?
In a weird set of recent events, I've been having issues recognising people. Some, I've merely been able to guess based upon location and similar traits.

It is like when video games update from one system to another. Like an NES game appearing on a GameCube... or something like that. Yes, characters look similar... but a lot of them look insanely different and completely unrecognisable. Possibly also like when you have update in production values of television shows, graphic novels or what not. Where a lot of the characters look rather similar... but completely different. To the point it is rather unreal.

I thought maybe I had just gotten hit on the head too many times, and that was why I was having issues recognising people. Turns out, other people were having issues recognising people as well.

I'm tracking the change to around Septembre 12th through Septembre 18th... which is also the same time my tarot cards seemed to break. Every reading like looking at universal static. People around me seemed to exist... but every time I tried to delve further into it on any "energy levels" what I saw seemed to not be accurate or function well. It is like looking at a Feng Shui pattern, and knowing it should not have energy to do that--but it working just fine. Or that it is flowing in the opposite direction it should be flowing it. Like a waterfall going backwards.

The thing is... people look more like how I imagine they are suppose to look. With a heightend style definition of their "character" as the only way to state it.

In what I have gathered, my upgrade has me looking younger than before. Apparently, my look is to look extremely youngish. Others look older in the upgrade. Others look more punkish. Others look more grissled. Others look more ridiculously handsome. Others look more black face (that one was weird). Others look more chiselled.

At the same time, without clues as to who this upgraded avatar might be... people in my life are having issues telling who is who. As an odd side effect to the general art update.

Some people look even more generic in the update.

Others who originally looked like reused sprites of other people, now have been given original sprites.

It is odd to observe really.

The thing is... the PSI related stuff still appears to not be working correct.

Scrying Log Septembre 5th

So I figured I'd try scrying again. It was early in the morning. Like 1AM.

I dimmed the lights, excited to return to scrying.

I looked at the reflection of the candle in my eyes... and then my eyes started colour shifting.

My eyes do that... they change their colour, to indicate how my mind is functioning.

The issue was: they kept going red. Red means run.

I tried solving it, by having them go green or brown... but neither would come. I thought about having them go blue... but that would be dishonest. My eyes only go blue if I am genuinely happy.

Guess which colour they have not been since I was like five years old.

I called off the scrying.

After my initial issue with the gnomes last time... it seemed scrying requires me to get past some threat with some solution, before I can continue on with it.

Scrying Log, Septembre 4th

Figured I should start posting  my experiences with Scrying that I have been finding occuring.

Here is my first successful attempt at such an activity.

Emotional state going into Scrying:
I wanted to get the fuck away from the world. I cannot use drugs to escape due to a gag reflex that gets in the way of smoking, a reactivity to metal that gets in the way of injecting... and my liver processes things unpredicably at best. My immunal system also processes things unpredicably as well.

I am sick of people telling me how well behaved I am for not doing drugs. Drug use is not my choice--ergo my lack of drug use is not noteworthy. Much similar to Alex' lack of listening to Beethoven's fifth in the movie A Clockwork Orange. Actions without free will, are not actions to be considered at all.

My goal was to initiate a set of conditions where my mind would begin hallucinating, under its own mindfuckery.

Many people state Scrying can result in visions of things I should not know... but many people have stated that about Acid Trips. I'm viewing the results as likely similar in accuracy and condusive to anything as being on an Acid Trip.

Fuck you guys, I'm going elsewhere.

The process

I began by lighting the candle, after turning off the lights in the room. I then stared into the mirror. First watching the candle dance past the reflection of the candle. This really did not do anything. I tried setting up my Scrying mirror to make multiple reflections of the candle. This really did not work... until I noticed the flame's reflection reflected in the reflection of my eye. This level of reflections present was sufficently high of them... and two of them were based on my own biological self. All containing the candle's flame.

I start staring at the flame... trying to move towards it. It seemed so far away from me though.

It also turn out to be gnomes. Fucking gnomes... little bastards. You... you cannot know how terrible gnomes are. Unless you like know... then you know, and you'd be like fuck gnomes as well. Or if you do know, and are not like fuck gnomes, you are probably on the side of the gnomes. You fucking terrible person.

I had to deal with those bastard Gnomes before they came into this world... because they are fucking gnomes.

I considered that I might need to end my little scrying attempt early. Then I realised: this is a hallucination trip. I can control it.

I tried grabbing a sword, and throwing it at them. The sword wavered as soon as it go closed. Not able to be affective to those fucking gnomes.I cannot let the gnomes get closer.

Those bastard gnomes were getting too close to escaping the gateway. So I created a baretta standard issue, and started shooting them with hallucinatory infinite ammo.

I killed all those damned bastards that got too close to getting out. Until an Fire Ogre showed up. That is, an Ogre that is always on Fire. The Ogre ate most of the gnomes, used one of their hats as a tooth pick. Then looked at the gateway all bored. Then just walked away from the gateway. Shaking his head, that it even had the bad taste to form where it did.

Then I find I am talking to a version of myself that is perpetually on fire. Myself now dressed as the Queen of Swords outfit I designed for my own Tarot Deck. The on fire version of myself, is referring to herself as the Knight of Wands.

We are on a street... or a hallway with parking metres and parked cars. It felt like there was a black roof, keeping me from going to high up from where I was. It was the perpetual night that my dreamscape tends to be known for containing. With the stars being more indicate that there was no atmosphere with how they were showing up. The sky being a weird looking set of odd chaos.

Chaos Fire me, tended to like to joke around. Pretending that the fire hurt or was painful. Occassionally screaming at passer by people, "help, help, I AM ON FIRE! HELP ME!!!" then giggle fitting as they ran away.

Chaos Fire me, noted that I tended to be wreckless with how I did things. Noting that wind and fire can create some rather unfortunate results. Chaos Fire me also stated she kind of both existed in my head, and also did not exist in that fashion. Her existence being a complicated matter.

She confirmed, that my ability to scry was limited by knowledge on various forms of symbology in my knowledge.

I asked her if I could hug her... both of us noting that such an idea would be terrible. Then I woke up.

I was unable to scry for a bit... my left eye being too sensitive to enter into scrying. Turns out, this is something I need to build up and practice to getting able to do consistently.

Later Knowledge

It has been determined that Chaos Fire me, is a tutorial program, that has always existed--and her creation point in time is impossible to determine, as her creation point does not exist, due to have having been brought into existence at a turbulant time. She is not alive... but a shadow of what created her... without her having been created.

She appears to be a rather intricate tutorial program, designed to react to items that most tutorial programs would simply give a bad command or file name time response. Having always existed, but not being there... she was perfect for me to learn this stuff. Having been designed for my access at any point in time I might talk with her.

Her psychological profile can only be described as, "a shadow of a creator, whose existence only brings fear, hence the creator's not existing". With her understanding, that her existence is not actual existence... and more than a shadow exists. Her having indicated that the process that created her, has been disavowed as existing by her location of origin. Bringing it up, or what made her, is to be thought of as a faux pass.

Further fayanora has also suggested an alternative origin of Always on Fire Me... though her being a shadow and not technically alive, or anything other than a machination of something that does not exist (and never did exist) may have odd implications here.

Chaos Fire me, also indicates the notions of coming into contact with me would be a very poor idea, that has shown up in other interactions of me and the Shao'Kahn.

Latest dream world adventure

I just had the most wonderful dream ever. I MUST tell people about it.

It starts off, and I am in Alaska playing cards with the Yakuza. I am losing extremely badly. I'm surprised at how terrible I am handling this game. Some stuff happens, and suddenly I find that I lost so badly that I am now married to a high up Yakuza Mob Bosses Daughter. I have no idea how it occurred, but this would not be t
he first time I did a pretty impressive job of losing in a card game before.

I end up fleeing to Vancouver where me and Marcel stage both our deaths using various favours held with the Hell's Angels might provide. No bodies are ever recovered, and the various news agencies recognise that if my body has not been found, that it will need to be recovered. As chances are I lived through what involved a lot of fire, napalm, cars and chainsaws.

This attempt to stage our death was filled with clues to people that a wedding was to be held between me and Marcel and that is why we pretended to be dead. As that would take a much quicker time to explain than me trying to escape a high ranking Yakuza Mob's Daughter who is now legally my wife.

Showing up for the ceremonies are Ian, Yves and Marinela. Each of which have super powers in the course of the dream, as by the time they show up, the Yakuza have already figured out what has happened and have already begun to act.

Ian has the ability to hold a intense mental and emotional connection with horses... and humans that have faces shaped like horses. His intense connection to know their inner most selves comes entirely by the shape of their face being horse like. When he uses it to solve cases, such as the missing diamond heist of '06, the persons are usually rather irritated his abilities works on them.

Yves is a 250yr old land elemental spirit who is merely pretending to be human because of Revenue Canada. See being a spirit bound to the land, he really is rather immobilized to a set of locations, which makes it rather hard for him to evade taxes. So he pretends to be human as under the current set of laws, rules and regulations maintaining the guise of human allows for a much more favourable set of tax laws to follow and peruse upon. He lives in fear of the day Revenue Canada catches onto his ruse as being a powerful elemental spirit derived from the land, and not actually human. Revenue Canada will not be kind to him.

Marinela is a seer, who is capable of viewing all with her Crystal Ball. She usually gives me privacy not out of ethics... but because any time she points her Crystal Ball my way it results in a situation that does not make any sense, and gives her a headache trying to figure out and rationalised.

Another wedding guest Hayley just keeps texting me to just marry the damned daughter of the powerful Yakuza Mob Boss, and not have any issues with it. She was quite privy on the matter, me having lost quite a few games of cards to her before.

By the time these three show up, the Yakuza had already been through here... evidence being tank treed marks, trees exploded into slivers and large fields of sand dunes where mighty mountains once stood. They were not exactly happy it seems.

Also I am disembodied and trying to talk to these three. The events have however greatly affected their personal mental health.

Ian has grabbed a member of the Yakuza's foot, and turned it into a Horse Shaped Puppet. However, the member being Chinese, it only speaks Cantonese and resists Ian's attempts to teach it English. As there are only so many people capable of talking with a Horse Shaped Puppet of a dead Chinese man's foot. It stubbornly resisted learning how to learn English. Ian was not able to talk with me, due to me not having a horse face and Ian not knowing enough Cantonese to hear the Chinese man's foot pointing my current location.

Yves is distracted by a trickster spirit he has been procrastinating about catching, and bringing to supernatural justice... as anything that entity comes up with, easily makes more sense than what is going on in front of him.

Marinela is checking the last emotional memories of a sea of sand dunes. It has me and a high ranking Yakuza member on top of a mountain during an intense thunder storm, with intense wind, sleet and hail. "You not think my daughter ugly do you?"

I then reply, tired confused and stressed from the current situation, currently holding onto a small tree to keep from sliding off a cliff, "I'm certain she is very attractive... I'm just not attracted to oriental Asian looking women. Thus the marriage would never work."

Then all that is left in the emotional imprinted memory on the sand dune is intense anger with untracable events in amongst it.

I try pointing out that my body is still alive, I'm just warded from the spot it fell... but Marinela was stuck searching through the anger and the sand looking for my body. Unable to hear me.

Marcel was conveniently missing for the Yakuza's attack having some sense to be ten minutes late... thus saving him from the mess.

Katrina Payne
Wait... how would that work? Their hands and knees feel like sloppy jello. They'd not be able to gain muscle control well enough to accomplish that.

Usually they start by trying to remember how to make vowel noises. Consonants come next in
trying to recollect how to actually speak. Then they start to begin to figure out how to form words. Next comes logically constructing them in a sentence. Usually they are at the third smoke by this point, to calm their nerves. Sometimes they are capable of walking... most of the time they will attempt to drive. Don't worry, the other cars tend to get out of the way of driving in the middle of the road at 50km/h. If they do attempt to walk, be certain to pull them out from in front of oncoming traffic. Eventually... usually about an hour later, cerebral function returns enough to spout out offensively stupid mistakes in an attempt to please me. Most of the time not even really able to think yet.

Then for about a week or two afterwards, they will profess how much they love me, and how they worship me. Not giving them more sex results in these proclamations being done much louder. They will seek to do activities they'd not normally be the sort to do. Their friends noting how they are acting oddly. Several noting signs of what appears to be intense brain damage of various sorts... much of it outside the usual high displays of brain damage.

Upon my presence being reintroduced to them, their ability to speak momentarily lapses. Their pants and or shirts tend to get a bit tighter. By the way: shirts tightening from nipple erections is the weirdest thing to ever see. They may have an odd mood disturbance episode

I usually have to guess I am pretty good... as my partners lose the ability to speak... and various cognitive abilities they'd normal have to communicate their current state of health.

I have found that I can have objects in the vicinity to sexual acts be used in a Pavlovian manner to reintroduce this state of mental being. Including stuff like "Sweeny Todd: the Demon Barber" can even gain a similar momentary after sex reaction like this.

I long for the day I get sex that does that to me. The only person I have notice any similar ability to do that has been Yves Melancon... which is why I tend to wear baggy shirts around him. I would include pants on that list... but sadly, those are unable to stay on. I've tried even soldering iron. It makes it hard to go into public places with him, I have found.


Upon how I know people enjoy sex with me.

Working on my own Tarot Deck

Cross Posted on my Deviant Art Journal and on my Livejournal Account. Because that is what people think of when they think of The Lamia... cheap and easy pleasure.

Well, I've begun working on artwork for Tarot Cards... you know making my own deck's illustrations. I'll probably throw them into a little website multimedia thing made with Pythons... maybe Pyramids. As well, why do that 1998 Geocities website shtick for my Paranormal crap. When I have Pythons and Pyramids! YAAY! Some would suggest Rubies... but I kind of want Amethysts on Rails... or Emeralds. Clearly Ruby is not a solution for that reason. I'm going through Pyramids well done documentation though... so it will be a bit.

Now the idea is to draw images and pictures so I can get a better idea of what each card properly means. This is in the Rider Wight imagery system of course.

This will not be my Pokemon Tarot Deck (though, I'd probably do that afterwards)

Now the odd part is: I've actually been doing revisions of various cards. I've done two different versions of both the eight of swords and the knight of swords. The two of swords I didn't even begin because I knew I'd end up not liking it.

I'll post the old version of both on Monday (tomorrow). The new Eight of Swords has the Queen of Swords tied up in rope, with the eight swords around her in the Infinity Plus One style from Soul Eater. The new Knight of Swords will have already thrown his swords up in the air like that... and will be standing like, "COME AT ME BRO!!" rather than just blocking the way to a bridge.

I'm not really going to bother trying to release an actual Tarot Deck using these images... as well, I doubt anybody would use it. I dunno... maybe I might figure out if I can get Kinkos to print up a few sets of these cards and have me sell them by consignment at some local stores? Possibly load one or two sets of them onto eBay? I dunno...

I could call it the Katrina "The Lamia" Payne set. On one side of the box art is the Knight of Swords doing "COME AT ME BRO!" and the other side is The Star. Yeah... I kind of noticed one side is minor arcana, the other major arcana on the box art.

Of course the Knight of Rods will be a woman... and a Real Estate Agent... holding a caduceus. In fact the rods will all be done based on the Caduceus... with heavy hints of extreme kleptomania. In fact everything in the Rods Suite should imply SOMEBODY is being robbed blind. I'm thinking of having Pirate Bay be depicted in the 3 of Rods artwork. With the King of Rods being "King of Thieves" in how he is shown.

I did consider having the Queen of Rods be David Bowie done as a very confused mixture of Ziggy Stardust and Goblin King Jareth. People would either not get it, because they know nothing about David Bowie. ... or get it, because they know about David Bowie... and wish to pretend they knew nothing about what they saw there.

The idea came after suggesting the Page of Rods be the Bass Player for the Spiders from Mars. My mind scares me for the most part.

I am hoping to work on a website where I take a hold of various psychology concepts, science and other items and explain how much of this neopagan stuff actually is a good idea. How a lot of it works... and why it doesn't work without this weird ceremonial stuff around it. It will not really remove the magic. It will just make the sceptics look even more like assholes than they really are.

If I want to toss around sparklies and little coloured bits of paper to gain inspiration to write how I will make a million dollars and get really rich and thank Astarte, Diane and whoever else... then leave me to it. It is not like you going, "THERE IS NO GOD" really leads you to being inspired to create a damned thing. No... you find something else... or you just tear down others works. Because why should people make anything if they doesn't worship your NO GOD?! Yeah...

Actually I find sex inspiring... and there is a lot of praising God, Jesus, She-jesus (thank you, Troutman), Eris, C'thulhu, Azathoth, Nyarlothotep, Lucifer, Satan (all the really good sex has "HEIL SATAN!" screamed out during it... fact!), Loki, Coyote, Inari, Omoikane, Ares, Ketos (again... all the really good sex: Ketos), Kami, and other names. Do you want to tear it down as rubbish as I screamed the name of some, or several, religious figures during it?

Either way, the idea is to release a website using designs, ideas and standards from a time that isn't 1998 Geocities, to include data streams, potholing, RSS, expiring data, time lines, rebloging, sharing, tagging, oauth, openid, commenting and so many other things that are available in Web 3.11 for Thought Bubbles (you were upgraded from Web 2.0 if you used that whether you wanted to or not). Sure people still run Web 1.0 and can get a lot of good use out of the 1998s Geocities paganistic stuff... but I shall program an architecture and post stuff that covers the good ideas in paganism.

As well, with Tarot Cards, from a marketing psychology perspective... the concepts actually use blind spots in my perception to look around other blind spots so that I can see what is in completely unrelated blind spots much better. You know... be able to survey things my Black Iron Prison blocks out. Other pagan type items tends to work the same way. You can see it... but your Black Iron Prison won't let you see it. You might not even have the knowledge to be able to see it. A lot of pagan stuff gets around your lack of knowledge in being able to actually see it--and have you do something about it.

This purely from a psychology point of view... paganistic practices do have some wonderful worth... even in anthropological and sociological standpoints.

Why not advertise doing Paganism on these very merits? Explaining what you are psychologically doing during this stuff... and why it is mother fucking awesome.

I dunno... I just find it tiring that sceptics who explain away preternatural stuff, tend to do it in ways that would have me proving computers and the internet do not exist as the demonstration computer does not have a power supply. I mean, if a computer cannot work without a constant running source of power, how is it really that useful. It clearly would be a waste of time would it not? So to prove the internet exists you must demonstrate it on a computer without a power supply. That is what sceptics do all the fucking time. (Anybody with even a rudimentary amount of knowledge in computers can tell you how that is flawed)

So my goal with this website will be, "Hey... I looked into how this worked. I looked into what is going on biologically, psychologically, sociologically, chemically and physically... and guess what? This is the whole picture. DO THIS PAGANISTIC STUFF!"

But I mostly just hate those websites that go "you'll know how it feels... you know the feel. YOU R TEH PSYCHIC!"... as an empathic pathogenic substance (that is, my energies alter your state of mind). That gets annoying. When you run empathy, telepathy or any of that stuff and have it touch my energies you will go into a mental state similar to a heroin high mixed with ecstasy... just by trying to psionically interact with me. That is not a mental state you can accurate use those abilities. So as a result those "you'll know by feels" websites really put me off. As I am not the only entity that will initiate a state like this in your person.

So yeah... figured why the heck not. Work on an update repository and grimoire. For the witches in Web 3.11 for Thought Bubbles.

So expect updates based on that.

Working at a fast food restaurant

So in the world of odd dreams. I somehow find myself in a fast food restaurant. It seemed to have a lot of strange foods. On the menu was mostly:
  • Deep fried noodles
  • Fried Chicken
  • Chick Parts
  • Fried Eel
  • Chick Nuggets
  • Steamed Rice Noodles
  • Chicken Burgers
  • Fried Jellyfish Burgers
  • Jellyfish Nuggets
The menu was all this strange and very tasty looking stuff. There was people everywhere in here... and it was done up as a futuristic science fiction fast food restaurant. Like what you'd see in movies like Blade Runner, Fifth Element... with displays right next to each server listing options. Scrollable displays. Clear projected displays in from of the tellers. They could move around too--without much issue.

The girl working the til was a girl I recognise from volunteering at the shelters in Vancouver. I was like, "oh... you work here now?"

She told me that yeah... this was a temporary new job. I remarked the food looked rather delicious and I wanted to try stuff.

I reached into my wallet.. and noted enough for a french fry based/styled product made from Jellyfish and Fried Rice Noodles, a Chicken Burger, Fried Chicken and a Jellyfish Burger.

I make the order... and a girl sitting at a personal table behind me starts to smile. The tables here looked like elementary school desks. You know--the ones that had the seats attached to them. They were cheap science fiction plastic and in rather tacky colours. The girl smiles and flirts with me. I recognise her from having not met her yet. I do that in dreams, converse with people I have never met or talk with.... well no... usually I stab them and light them on fire.

Though I had food, and was happy here... delicious food.

The order is put up, and I produce the money for it... and notice I have more money than I thought.

I ask for a drink... it was made from soy bean kurd whipped, frozen and shaved mixed with fruit flavored syrup. With tapioca pearls crushed into the drink as it is put into the cup with the brand logo of the restaurant over it.

We smile and make more talk... and I have more money in my purse.

So I ask, "wait... so... the better people think of me, the more money I have here?"

I walk outside and bite into the food... somehow understanding the food is representative of sex. Waking up, like I just had a wet dream... but did not have sex... the sex was metaphorical.

Then I shake my head... and understand me having sex dreams has officially ended... that was a weird six months. I usually do not have those... usually I have dreams with metaphors for sex in them.

Rather odd dream...

Well, the other night I had a strange dream.

Thanks to my talks with fayanora, I have a slight idea of what Shao'Kehn kind of are. In this dream I was kind of doing my usual dream self thing. That is being like Nyarlothotep. Moving in odd movements. Jumping around all over the place. Stabbing people... and what not.

There was some weird support group with ten people in it. No idea why I remembered it as "ten" either... other than the weird note of symmetry that number implies. It was also ten in base twelve... because my dreams are weird enough to mess with my awake version of me.

Each of these ten people had several Shao'Kehn communications within themselves. Typically the Shao'Khen would have a favourite vessel to talk through. Some jokingly calling themselves "Tristanites" (usually with sharp looks of "be quiet" whenever used). Fayanora was in the group as her IRL version of her looks like. The others... I don't recognise what they look like (they were not multiples Fayanora has, so yeah).

As I am moving in between the walls of reality... the people in that group could follow to a certain level. Well, it was more they could watch where I was going (sometimes I could evade them). Though just that I'd make a jump and one of them would stand around a corner and greet me did make me a bit unsettled. They did have blind spots.

It is kind of weird that stuff fayanora talks about shows up in my dreams sometimes. I read a lot of paranormal stuff... and only a little bit of it actually sticks. Usually the stuff that seems to work with me a bit more than others... hell, I read some of that stuff and note it has appeared in my dreams.

These people in the group of ten (using base twelve) have kind of returned in the dreams. Using the term Shao'Khen for the race and "Tristanites" as the title of the person who can relay the messages. The Tristanites do have their own lives and personalities... but occassionally their work as Shao'Khen mouth pieces gets too far in the way of that.

The other weird bit are the notes that I am not compatible as somebody who can talk directly with them. Seems my mind is incompatible with theirs and them talking to me would destroy their brains. I've had humans say that too--so it doesn't really surprise me.

It is... like seriously... what?


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