?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Right... if I am to become super kawaii and popular on Live Journal, I have to remember to post entries.

I think I've also figured out why I don't want to post here. Seriously... HATE the assholes at ONTD. They are all fucking jerks and only want people to blow smoke up their own asses. I've not seen any clue to indicate that this isn't the normal level of moron to expect here.

If anybody thinks to get me to like that involves them wanking me off, blowing smoke up my ass, regurgitating my own opinions back at me, maybe even giving a bit of a rim job while blowing smoke up my ass and generally shitting me... well then, they usually get shocked and surprised and don't understand what they are doing wrong... "But... I'm being a little yes-man parrot and not actually my own unique person! Why don't you like me"

Maybe it is because doing that makes it so you are not people.

Sure... not doing that might make you terrible people... but at least you are people.

Maybe if I could get a couple different groups and ways to get other people on here to give a shit about this website. I mean... I don't even really come here to read posts for the most part, as I don't really have much for places to read posts. On top of that... what Live Journal suggests is shit like ONTD and the even stupider Asian version. Which I suppose I could use if I got really drunk and was sexually attracted to East Asian people.

Oh... right... PREPARE ACCUSATIONS OF ME HATING EAST ASIANS! Because I don't want to fuck them... I must completely hate them. As... that... makes sense... somehow. Apparently, only East Asians do stuff like Nepotism or grow up in rich fancy neighbourhoods too... never knew that until I got in trouble for being racist after accusing somebody of nepotism and growing up in a rich neighbourhood (and thus not able to connect with me). Apparently accusing somebody of nepotism is hateful to East Asian type people.

Can't I just fucking call them "Yellow People"? It is the fucking skin colour this shit is based on. Not where they grew up, lived or were raised. Much like I call Black People "Black People"... as a lot of them haven't been in Africa for a millennium or two, not all were brought over on a boat to Merka--some were incorporated into things in Roman times! Some aren't even in Merka either... calling somebody whose family has been in Sweden for three generations "African American" just sounds fucking special.

The hate doesn't even matter apart from one or two very visible features... let's just be honest about this when describing them? Please? Or is "not being racist" mean I have to insult people's intelligence and figure out how to be a hateful jerk using the proper clinical terms... as being racist means I'm just not saying my bullshit with the right proper clinical terms... and really nothing to do with the bullshit I am saying?

Oh... and not wanting to have sex with the group. Same reason I hate men and gay guys.... and gay guys hate women. Because not wanting to have sex means you have to be hating that group... or... something. I missed a memo or something here. I'm totally not caught up on these matters... and you guys are idiots from my point of view.

I might figure out more stuff to post... but it is kind of hard... when I don't really have much that I read or view on this website. Apart from one or two people's journals... all I see is generally the most banal crap possible. At first I wanted to be like, "maybe there is good stuff and I haven't found it"... but now I'm not really certain.

Give it a bit, and I will consider this website on par with Vampire Freaks... ah... good times... good times. Except, replace good times with "terribly frustrating times dealing with self righteous whiny assholes without any form of enjoyable reciprocation from the matter"... and you are getting closer.

Got a place to draw stuff now by ~KatrinaTheLamia
Oh hey, I have my computer stuff together now! Hooray! So I can start posting a LOT of artwork. YAAAAAAAY!Collapse )Oh hey, I have my computer stuff together now! Hooray! So I can start posting a LOT of artwork. YAAAAAAAY!

Some of you may have noticed something about this artwork: it is smaller than my usual posts. Say what?

I'm experimenting with something. Right now, I'm posting tiny version stuff of my artwork. I'll have to work into the system my watermarking efforts, and figure out the perfect "sizing target" for the sample versions of my images. Possibly requiring that I have them under a certain amount of units and file size.

Which means you'll probably note that I've also set it up to have the "Premium Download" feature on my artwork. I removed the download check mark on any of my newer uploads. My older ones still allow you to download the work. So it is just the newer and getting ever better images you will find you have issues doing that. So yes... you can still grab and view my crappy old versions of my artwork.

KY: Fuck The Police Gently by ~KatrinaTheLamia

I really need to figure out some way to have my images float to the side in these journal things.

You'll note it has been a while since I posted pictures of my sexy damned arse. Well, there is a reason for that: most of the pictures I take suck. So... I'm making a new effort. Before uploading onto here, I put them onto a computer device I've set up to handle backing up images of my sightly mug. Then I go through the images and determine which ones can most easily be touched up to not suck as much.

Mostly it would be an effort of cropping the images (if needed/possible) and using Multiply and Addition filters on a duplicate layer of the image. Which ever has the image looking better. I might even make a wizard of some kind out of this. Do a few duplicate layer modifications (dup layer multiplied, duo layer addition, dup divide, dup lighten, dup soften, dup subtraction, etc), have the person able to select... and have it be part of Gwenview's tool kit.

Yeah, that is the other side of things. I have a better mobile signal in my new room. Not only that, I'm probably going to contact Shaw Cable and get a wall based internet connection set up. That is so I have some extra space until I reprogram every god damned think in KDE4 to be more friendly to mobile/dialup connections.

The thing is, in the last ten years people forgot how to have websites and network software play nice with dialup connections. Websites I can just figure out an application framework to go around it when it isn't playing nice. Usually it means blocking images, flash and ECMAscript, and if you know what you are looking for, you CAN reverse engineer a website to create a dedicated application to go around how much bandwidth (and CPU) the website itself wastes on its own.

The idea is I use Shaw to grab software, documentation and updates, while I work on software that can run excellently on dialup and mobile carrier networks.

Why dialup? Well... part of the thing with dialup is you have a small bandwidth and a lot of packet loss. If anything mobile data carriers tend to be BETTER than dialup. So the idea is to gear something to work fine throttled to 2KiB/sec downstream and a 1KiB/sec upstream, and do the job of the application. Then on top of that have it periodically check if the network has disappeared, and not lose major functionality when the network disappears. Like in that it can resume to where it was before when the network reappears.

At the same time, I believe I had this promised before the end of Septembre.
Ninja Slash Bad Dude Teaser Poster by ~KatrinaTheLamia


Yeah... I should start working on creating the sprites for this game's resources. You know so when I push it back, I at least have something to show you.

Seriously... at least SOMETHING needs to be made in creating this game. "Ninja Slash Bad Dude: Take on the President"... the story is simple, they cannot decide who is to kidnap the President. Ninja thinks it is Bad Dude's job this week. Bad Dude thinks it is Ninja's job this week. So the one to first to fail to Kidnap the President has to rescue (and then kidnap) the President.

Two game play modes off the bat... Ninja Kidnaps, Ninja Rescues, Ninja Kidnaps+, Ninja Rescues+, Bad Dude Kidnaps, Bad Dude Rescues, Bad Dude Kidnaps+, Bad Dude Rescues+... and possibly a hidden mode where the President preemptively kidnaps Ninja and Bad Dude, under the grounds "they possess levels of mass awesome coolness, naturally we must not allow Ninjas and Bad Dudes to be able to get their MAC on, as such would be disastrous for the women and children. We believe that one of them desires to kidnap the President while the other proceeds to rescue me."

Also the game would be filled with a romantic linking. Thus justifying the Slash in the name.

In case you were not aware, there is something wrong with me.

Donnel Practice by ~KatrinaTheLamia

Also... going to do a lot more Fire Emblem fan work. It mostly pisses me off how much I SUCK at drawing the characters. Usually with a bit of practice I get better at it.

A few ideas are in the area. One is a fan game... or at least an engine were people can share scenarios that need to be solved. Maybe even a fan fiction plot based on the Awakening characters. Maybe I could also get through Fire Emblem (GBA), Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones(GBA), Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon (DS), Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn (GC) and figure out fanwork stuff to post based on those games. Though a game would definitely be nice to work with. I've played a bit of Fire Emblem (GBA), The Sacred Stones(GBA) and Shadow Dragon (DS)... so I do know a bit about the series.

I'd grab a few of the NES, SNES and other games that were only released in Japan. But the FONTS they use for text on the older games. Seriously. This is why only NEETs play those games in Japan. I mean, okay the Fonts in North American games are just as fucking bad. However I've already damaged my braincells enough to be able to allow myself to be okay with those. The ones from Japan... they have characters that have only a single pixel different from others. I do NOT want to go on a pixel hunt when reading shit. I mean 32bit systems and up, the Font files are not anywhere near as terrible... but any attempt to read really old games fonts in Japanese just has me wanting to beat the fuck out of whoever designed those letters so terribly.

I mean... I could cause myself a load more brain damage to be able to be okay with it... you know as I am aware that the NEETs who'd be okay with those Font Faces would do.

The other thing I want to do, is create a Manga based on my play through of the game. The thing with the Avatar character is that the legends generally tell all sorts of things about him or her. Not able to agree on gender, looks, marriage, class, weapon usage, etc.

So I'd start it as one of the varied varied versions. Told by a spoony bard. With people keep asking him to tell about "Romancing Sa-Ga", because they liked that story better. "I don't like this story... the people in it are terrible..."

And indeed they would be. You'd learn way too much about Donnel and Panne's attempts to repopulate the Taguile race. With me having Donnel be REALLY outrageously racist. "Not cool, Donnel! NOT COOL!" being a tag line... and the Taguiles being played like Black people. With flash backs of the race being hunted down featuring "cone hooded ghost warriors of flame and bondage"... and the Taguiles general interest in bondage anyways (guess how Panne and Donnel get married? Donnel ties her up, and she gets off on it).

With Kitty Harlot (the name of the Avatar) meeting up with Yarne and immediately being interested in "repopulating the Taguile"... with Yarne realising what was hanging out.

Yarne's name revealed that it comes from what was used to conceive him... just like his mother's middle name of "Velvet".

The best part is we'd not have to show the images.

Every time we cross the line twice, the Bard, Mr. Spoon S. Spoonison, will be interrupted again, "can't you tell us about Romancing Sa-Ga again? Please?"



Also, as I figure out how to time comics, I'm going to start posting some smut comics on here as well.

I'm thinking if I have objects obscuring erect penises, fluid being created and any vaginal insertion, it should be okay by Deviant Art standards. Consider it is more the story and what not behind the sex that gets me off, and I can easily use my imagination for any obscured sex... it should be JUST AS HOT BUT THIS SMUT FOLLOWS DEVIANT ARTS SHUNT!

I think this journal entry has gone on long enough. I'll have to see how posting journal entries for when I post new artwork works for drawing traffic.

This was cross posting from Katrina The Lamia's Deviant Art

Dream Diary: Katrina Documentary

This was done on the morning of July 18th 2013...

So for some reason I am called into my home. Having taken a kind of Metaverse approach to the Dreamscape as of late. Somebody was in my home, and was interested in knowing about me... which resulted in me being paged to return to it.

I appear in my home, having shed most of the stuff from the previous location I was... which is best described as "my real home". A dwelling place typically used by Michelle, but since having been brought back from the dead, I also tend to hang out there every now and again as well.

The room was a terrible rendered rendition of a location. The walls were all terrible overly compressed textures with JPEG artifacts in them. Not just the walls... so were the stairs. And the banister... was like a box with poles with white spaces as its texture. The room was a wooden lobby type room, where the door opens up into. A slight mud room to west of the door (the door faced north). Couches, cushions and bean bag chairs were all part of the textures on the east of the door. With a slight incline in the wall, to be able to fake sitting down.

The west wall had pictures of book shelves textured into it, and pictures of televisions.

South of the lobby were was a ramp with a texture of stairs on it, leading into a room seperated by a banister, with one wall that had a picture of a kitchen and a hallway to bedrooms on it. The east wall had a picture of a stair way upwards on it. In the lobby before the ramp with a shitty texture of stairs on it, there was a spot on the texture with a door to the basement.

All of these pictures on the wall were really shitty compressed jpeg images with artifacts and lots of pixels. Each pixel would have been about a square inch, from my perspective.

There was a girl and a guy walking around. They were clearly in a relationship... but the relationship was on the rocks. The girl was a curvy build, with a brown pony tail on the top of her head. Wearing a white spaghetti strapped top, arm bands right under her armpit and black flair jeans... you know the sort that have the pant legs get wider and wider until they get to the feet. She also had a strap going over her chest to allow herself to carry a long case... looking like it could contain a rifle... but it made the wrong noises.

The guy was tall, lanky, balding, wore glasses and had the expression of a plank of wood trying its hardest to look like Keanu Reeve's natural expression. He had two shoulder pads on, a white tank top, a black furry backpack and baggy black jeans with a thick belt. They both appeared to be wearing really nice boots by the sound their feet made on the floor.

There was a documentary about me on the television... it seemed more inclined to paint me as a buffoon and idiot. A lolcow if you will. Done very similar to most of the stuff on Encyclopedia Dramatic, to paint me as a lame person. My first comment was, "oh, hey a documentary... who would make one of those about me?"

I sit back on the inclined part of the wall that has a couch texture on it, "wow... this paints a very bad picture of me... hilarious though... the time some people spend on these things."

The girl looks at the guy, "doll house?"

The two then leave the room, I'm laughing, "oh hey! Come on, let's watch this... this is hilarious! Not entirely accurate... well, you'd expect me to deny all of that stuff. Oh god... that was me from four years ago! Hah! Look at how silly I look!"

The two of them walk out of my home, I then wait for the documentary to come on, but an error message at the bottom flashed, "person who requested information left"

In its place was a series of profiles for what looked like Fire Emblem characters. Giving a basic break down on the sort of stats each class could be expected. Except it was names of people I haven't met yet (but will meet)... and given odd classes. Actually one I've talked to was put as Ted Pocha, Boulder Wrecker. Then I realised they were all being given dynamic poses on Smash Bros stages and were rendered about as well as the N64 version of Smash Bros... except for one.

A girl with black hair, slim body, shorter than average height, a decent chest and eyes that can stare into your soul. Her outfit showed a lot of cleavage, and was doing the vampirella thing... except it seemed to be a living oil that stuck to her body--like the spiderman symbiont. Spiderwebs were involved in her costume. Her name was, "Morrigan Eris ??????" with her class being, "Reflection Bride Manifestation" She was extremely well rendered, and was put under a cliff with a large amount of forest around her, a blue sky... with crows flying around her. Apparently a class that could seduce those around her... and empower those that were with her.

The image was trying to indicate that this was what I really am, and that I'd have to face it, deal with it, or be it... or something. It was really weird, as I know look nothing like that and really have no danger of becoming that. It seemed kind of cool, but I was getting my hopes up here, I clearly knew.

I ended up waking up... those two people clearly not coming back... and wanting to think about my direction in life. Mostly due to how the documentary painted me from four years ago as silly and stupid--wondering if I am that foolish right now and not even aware.

Kind of wanting to see if I cannot have a decently rendered version of that house.

-=-
Note: Question marks are where I cannot remember what it said.

Pinterest the new search engine?!

Well, I decided to price check the fold out trays I plan on using to modify my laptops with for a bit. I found I had nearly jumped into Pinterest entirely with the search. Somebody's board actually did a BETTER job of getting me to see the different options, where they were as well as various modifications of furniture. It was really surreal... with just a few modifications Pinterest would actually be more human friendly to search for stuff within.

I have been cursing myself, as I kind of wanted to make a "screenshot to Pinterest feature" into my KDE4 setup... but currently did not have my programming tools up (and have not really read through all the documents to do so).

It is one of those things that I will definitely be looking into working with as I program for Kid Norrin and eEchidna. Kid Norrin being my usability based project, and eEchidna eventually just snagging shit Kid Norrin pulled off. For now... none of my projects are really anywhere... long story. Turns out I am rusty with programming as well--been out of practice for a bit too long. Give it a bit of time, and I'll be running circles around everybody with that stuff again.

Though now another idea in my head is: work to have as much information indexed via Pinterest as possible. Make a little icon image to use as a pin for a lot of the stuff... something generally representative of the content, and able to easily direct... and have various Unix documentation items show up. Particularly the manpages.

Now, if you remember, one of the things I really like is looking at those ridiculously detailed paintings that show up movies around Alchemy, Leonardo Da Vinci, the Spanish Inquisition, Satan Worshipping and the Gothic era's handling of the church. I honestly like the notion of doing those up for things that don't typically have them for them (like African Geomancy images) taking every element of it, converting it to weird surrealist symbolism and then having it work as a nice mnemomic that you can figure stuff out just by looking at the picture. Usually some detail referring to it will be featured in it (somehow).

It is all part of well... an aesthetic look attached to something else that is already fairly well done. Read the man pages for a bit, and you will be able to perform witch craft on your computer. The idea would mostly be to add a Technomancer feel to the images via associating them with the occult images in a Pinterest accessible (and "grep"able-esque, kind of, not really) man pages storage set. I mean... I'd not be doing anything to make the content of the man pages themselves less (and you can still access them manually... that hurt to type... no seriously, my fucking fingers)... but this adds a bit of a Hollywood Hacker system to the mix, that I mostly just like looking at... because that is why Hollywood Hacker stuff exists: it is nice to look at.

Normal Hacker type stuff has no place in any kind of Hollywood set outside a film on Cosmic Horror based on the mythos of Lovecraft. In which a text file with BASH script for some rather advanced stuff scrolls past the screen... to indicate somebody has just lost a lot of sanity. If done right, we can drop the Lovecraftian Horror and just have the BASH script flash across the screen and have even people who don't know BASH have nightmares from it. Have it be some kind of Content Management System (CMS) written in BASH for use with the Common Gateway Inferface (CGI)... something that can take posts, process them, save them and retrieve posts wanted, as well as the ability to log in...

I cannot type more on that topic... as I'd need to be wearing a diaper first... the horror... THE HOOORRRROR! I KNOOOOOOWWWW THHIIIIIINNNNGSSSS OOOONE WAS NEVER MEANT TO KNOOOOOOWWWW!

Now, ignoring that I can forgo the need for a D3 save roll for sanity, by merely taking the penalty, "unleash bowels" for a bit. Even if it is useful information, as attempting to roll a geometrically impossible shape to try to SAVE on Sanity kind of is counterproductive. It was worse when I had to roll two D3 to handle two targets coming for me at once. The game master's screen... table, basement and Q'THUGENARG all imploded into a weird space vortex. The game master was pissed as his mind had been hiding the Q'THUGENARG from his knowledge it existed in an effort to protect him and all of us from the madness that just this creature even existed outside the strange rantings of somebody clearly mentally broken... then again, as my attempt to roll two geometrically impossible shapes at the same time killed it.

There is no words or way to describe the lack of comprehension that occurred here, as even describing us not understanding the situation will be impossible to understand! WE WERE NOT READY! PLEASE! JUST HAVE MERCY AND END US QUICKLY FOR OUR BLASPHEMY!

... right...

Yeah... so I'm going to figure out thirty manpages for the first batch of coming up with Hollywood Hacker Technomage type images to depict the manpages. Then put those manpages onto Pinterest to allow for them to be accessible from there as well.

Hey! I'm slowly making a dent with all this stuff.

Half the issue in this topic is describing it. As many of the images we associate with these Spanish Inquisition Occult, Arcane and Black Magic ARE MODERN DAY ADDITIONS. Most of what I am talking about might have existed in the renaissance, but generally the majority were still made after to look like they belong there.

The best part would be if a horror movie snuck some of these images into them, and only the computer geeks got the reference.

Weird and odd nightmare

So... I got some REM Sleep... sleeping behind the television in the common room... on the floor.

It is a good floor to sleep upon. It is not the best... but it is close.

I wonder if having my life fuck with me has had me develop weird traits to how I handle shit. I mean... drinking boiling water, meditation and sleeping on the floor... just add eating rice and I'm now motherfucking Buddha... I don't want to be Buddha, that really is not one of my goals in life.

In the dream I get kidnapped, and the dream centers around a hero trying to save me. I'm forced to watch and wait to be rescued... or so it starts to look.

I take stuff into my own hands. I organise an escape plan, replace myself with a Doppelganger. Suit myself with a set of equipment to allow myself to be an equal to the hero. Eventually the hero shows up to save me... and the Doppelganger attacks him as a false damsel. The hero defeats the True Final Boss and I jump beside him.

Turns out the whole time, that rival character who was kill stealing, power up cherry picking and doing all the standard behaviours in an MMORPG would have gotten the rival player kicked, and generally being rude to the hero... was me. Not taking the hero seriously, insulting him, taking stuff that would have ensured he succeeded, blocking him, taking the good kills, blocking off the easy ways, etc... was the damsel he was out to rescue, having broken free.

I woke up mostly pissed I even allowed myself to be kidnapped in the first place, and irritated somebody else was the hero and the focus of my dream. Ignoring how I easily got out and was the hero's rival.
I've, naturally, been going over my archive of articles on this blog type location thing. I noticed I never mentioned how that last relationship ended. There was one vague ass post about me not knowing how to love right... but beyond that...

That... relationship got progressively worse. I have mentioned what happened on my Facebook and my Deviant Art.

You see... the jealousy thing started to happen. It uh... happens a lot when I am with people. Though... this one had other details showing up. I was vaguely aware she cased me to some degree... but as the relationship came up... she apparently seemed to try to search out where I lived and where my art studio was... and ended up planting herself in both.

I generally thought her knowing that she should move in on me, when I complimented her hair, was weird... but I don't have much for successful relationships. Maybe it was normal.

She started getting into fights and disputes designed only to push my self esteem down. Break me as a person... for reasons. At the same time, she accused me of cheating on her a LOT. She accused me of wanting to leave her... and my eyes wandering... a LOT.

There where cases where I only noticed a person so that I wouldn't run them over... and this translated to me somehow wanting to fuck them. There were times where I literally wanted to kill people... and she took that to mean I wanted to leave Vanessa to have sex with them.

She got REALLY crazy green eyed. Threatening and being mean to anybody who I noticed existed, and at the same time worse to any who even thought about talking to me.

Her rationale for getting pissed off and jealous was "how my eyes lighted up over having a conversation, and that totally meant I was thinking about sex."

No... I'm an extrovert. I get energy and feel empowered by socialising. Luckily, the vast majority of socialising exists with me keeping my pants on me. Or... that is what I have been led to believe. Maybe I am wrong, and anybody who gives me a conversation I should proceed to remove my pants and leap on them with my tongue down their ear. Though... that would mostly end with me just being really scared to talk to anybody.

As a result my psyche's current pressing issues revolve around being an extrovert generally denied the ability to get energy by talking to people.

She'd go from being really mean and aggressive... to suddenly nice and apologetic. With the biggest spark being me trying to be responsible... any time I was like, "we need to eat to survive" or "we need to rehydrate" or "we need to try to find work" or any activity that wasn't me in the bed ready for her to scronk me and her generally playing bejewelled or scronking during that time. This would result in various fights.

Then she would start to be really nice and apologise and well... the make up sex was actually fairly good.

The biggest issue was: the green eyed monster side of her.

So yeah... some closure for people on Live Journal on that matter

Tags:

Been a while since I've done anything...

Yeah... if you've looked on my little network of places I do things... My Twitter has gotten the most updates, followed by My Tumblr. I have had a few things on my DeviantArt... and okay I do stuff on my Facebook... but only to demonstrate how much I hate Facebook. My Kongregate account has been missing a lot of love lately. I do have a shiny new GitHub... which is so nice as I've forgotten how to use Github... >.>;

I'm now mentally trying to think of which other social networks I am ignoring... and also cursing myself for not having my RSS Feeds I enjoy stored somewhere. Oh right... Model Mayhem and whatever Amber Lynn's Transgender Girl Dating website is. I obviously must enjoy the traps, as thanks to many reports from various Transgender Person Rights Groups, I'm now to let everybody know I am cisgender teenage girl online... I mostly do that, because I think doing that (and saying why) is hilarious. Obviously, rampant immaturity like mine is the issues with the movement... as hateful as pretending to be transgender online for the attention really stands.

Oh shoot... there is also GamerDNA that I've been ignoring.

I have been working on getting better exercise in my system, forcing myself to eat right... which is hard as I don't really feel hunger, and eating more than once every three days is hard... if I have a big meal, it moves up to five days. Check out stuff to inspire the things I produce... and what else? Oh right, watching porn to vent the sexual urges out of my system.

Still have no idea why people think trying to get me to take substances to increase my desire for sex is a good idea. "When I get drunk, I turn into a slut..." to which I often get the sort who COMPLAIN about me going sexual offering me a drink.

"You didn't like what happened last time I went like that... why the hell are you the first to offer me something to have me go all rapey on you? No... seriously, hang around with the lesbian who goes all slutty when she is drunk, and then complain when she starts doing stuff to you, when you aren't into girls... then you complain when she decides not to drink around you to avoid that embarrassing situation."

Or... those god damned times where people offer me meth, because they think my reason for being very much not sexual (beyond the standard tease, enjoyment of PDAs, cuddly, etc. stuff) is not entirely by me trying to avoid going all nympho by not thinking about sex. Filling my head with kiddie's shows, Power Rangers and shit.

Dude... I know fully well I will stop trying to eat, drink or do things my body kind of needs to function going into a full on slut binge. I also know waking up from that sort of things feels the exact opposite of pleasant.

Yet when I interrupt something to try to be responsible, I get people pissed at me... the worse part is trying to explain to people, "going into an area that wreaks of Heroin and Meth is going to only do bad things for me..." especially when I am talking with a recovering addict who has recently relapsed. This is shit that should just be understood... but noooooo... it is all like, "the rules of reality don't apply when I'm involved" with me sitting there going, "you... you are an idiot..."

Either way, I do still have in my head a set of stuff saying, "having sex will increase your art output" to which I'm mentally reminding myself, "just like never sleeping allowed me to make more computer code... right? Yeah... fuck off."

The thing is... even without the heat sickness that this baumy 15 degree weather (and often more than five degrees higher!) is causing me... I'm still having issues producing anything. Writing, computer code, pixel art, comic scripts, character sketches, tarot card designs, study images, mnemomic images (guitar, african geomancy, iching, termperments, etc), etc., etc.

So... I've figured out my solution: I need to start returning to my happy place. I haven't been there in such a long time, that it has officially changed.

I should probably start working on writing it here.

First off... bicycle deck standard playing card images. Mostly the court cards, cut and paste into a weird variation of stop motion artwork. Moved around via a weird mesh of barbed wire and flesh choker vines... similar but completely unlike to the vines Michelle sports. These are more gnarled and tree like, where as Michelle has plant tentacles. The background is a black hole abyss void with clouds swirling around it. The ground is an odd onyx and obsidian paved floor, on top of a weird viscous black liquid syrup, suggesting a high atmospheric pressure and/or gravity.

In it exists mostly weird female girls inspired by HR Geiger art galleries... with human torsoes and the other parts going to different levels of Wall Vagina and Attack Penis that HR Geiger includes in his artwork. The walls appear to move as if dancing, with a laughter emitting every time they do so. There is a music in the background comprising of trumpets, bass drums and a subtle hint of guitar. This is the slow tune they are dancing to... everytime social interaction is set up with this Geiger Babes, the music's tempo picks up.

Socialising with the girls in this world results in a weird mixture of conversation an wrestling that makes the interaction seem sexual, even if I am just trying to get to the local train station.

The tree branch barbed wire bicycle court card walls do occasionally manifest into a train system, with various real world trains going over them from an indeterminal spot into another.

The temperature is a pleasant subterranean cool temperature, that does seem to have a gentle breeze (usually with laughing being the hint the breeze will kick up). The heat source is generally indeterminable.

The laugh is a giggle mixed with cackle... or a gackle as Molly Elizabeth invented the word for it.

The liquid that is directly under the obsidian and onyx paved ground is rather cold and operates in a very Non-Newtonian fluid manner. The floor itself is constantly moving  both caused and causing the barbed wire and tree branch signel entity to move around. Oh right? That wall I've been describing? It is all one hive minded entity.

The air itself seems a bit heavier and more comfortable as a result. It feels slightly dry in nature.

Looking directly up, causes infinity to be seen. Like actually seen. Please, don't look up. It is not a good idea.

The Abyss/Black Hole Cloud Swirl exists in all directions, with the center being found in five polar directions. Depending on the current "phase of infinity" the black hole cloud swirls will be obscured and not able to be known. The status of the five polar directions and the rate of floor drift generally gives clues as to what the infinity might look like, if looking up at it were rationally possible.

There are also lots of ladders and ropes for climbing.

Sooo... this is what Katrina's Happy Place looks like... nice. I'll have to remember to dive into it more often. To stay productive.

Michelle's new name

Well.. Good Heads and Bad Heads were talking for a bit. Mostly on how we both agree Mom was really misogynistic in her choosing "Mike" for the name of her protector personality. If she had a female name for her protector personality, we would have gone by that, rather than Katrina.

The thing is... there is a female version of Micheal, "Michelle"... unfortunately, we tend to use French Pronunciations of names... and Michelle is the French Micheal. Micheal is also the French Michelle. Fucking frenchies! Seriously... fuck em... because they are sexy... or something.

Bad Heads pointed out that she technically qualifies as my protector personality. While she generally avoids blurring into the front, she has been inclined to rearrange memories and skills... allowing harmful memories to be blocked off, until we can do stuff about them... and having skills and tools right up front as I need them.

Bad Heads also has mentioned she'd generally be interested in running as Michelle. The only reason we all were to be called Katrina was to not fuck with people having to remember all our names... and people consider us crazy as it is. Anyway we can hide reasons for them to not like us is best. Michelle however never seems to want to blur to the front. The most she will do is rearrange the front while I'm there to help allow me to handle it.

So yeah... her name is now Michelle.

She will probably mention it, if she ever comes forward... as she only comes forward when Katrina has been completely fucking destroyed mentally. Which is usually something Michelle strives to prevent by rearranging stuff in the front. If Katrina is destroyed, despite all efforts of Michelle to stop it... Michelle is usually pissed at people being idiots.
Took me a while to form this with wordy things and word type shapes... but something about Lady Gaga has always annoyed me. Particularly with how her shows work.

Eventually, I was thinking about how she takes from Marlyn Manson the whole "look at me, I'm fucked up"... and Madonna's "look at me, I'm sexy."

Which implies being sexy is considered fucked up--which is a nice social note... until you understand it pretty much only covers lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders being fucked up.

Essentially, she has created a circus side show of freaky looking things... but then went, "wait... should I put lobster boy in here? Naaw. What about a human covered in tattoos? No... WAIT! LET'S FILL IT WITH GAY PEOPLE!"

The thing is... that is exactly what it is: LOOK AT THE FREAKY GAYS!

She is parading around homosexuals as a fucked up weird and crazy thing... and is making money off of saying "being gay looks fucked up and freaky."

With Marlyn Manson he was doing the goth and freakshow thing. Doing psuedoreligious symbols... and pretty much going, "dude... society is fucked up."

Putting cops in pink uniforms, that breast outfit, the Personal Jesus video, Antichrist Superstar video... at one point riding on a pig covered in shit was how he said, "hey... this is fucked up, look at it."

The thing is... Lady Gaga is doing the riding on a pig naked except for shit... except instead of a pig or being covered in shit... she is riding on a gay guy naked... and full of shit.

Took me forever to explain why her videos piss me off... but essentially they make gay people look weird, fucked up and an abomination... and she makes money off of it, and an entire new generation of gay people is using this to inspire themselves who didn't have the pleasure of having Elton John, Roseanne, Rosie O'Donnell, Ellen, Christopher Titus, David Bowie, Izzy Pop, etc. to tell them that there is nothing wrong with being gay.

It is honestly disgusting how Lady Gaga does her stuff. I only JUST figured out how to explain the shit that goes through my head as she does her bullshit show.

I mean... her big thing is, "being gay is wacky, weird and something that makes you look like a freak"... and it ends up having being gay equated to riding on a pig naked and covered in feces while films with filters applied of church officials point at the camera. Something to go, "holy fuck... that is twisted fucked up stuff... LET ME GIVE YOU MY MONEY."

I for one really do not like how she pretty much handles LGBT as a Circus Freak Show type attraction.

I only figured out while staring at my Silverchair "Freakshow" Album cover.
WithWell, my old Github account is full of... how should I put it... garbage.

To the point where cleaning it will be completely impossible.

I'm thinking the best goal would be to start a new Github with my projects being definied as "families" and each new take becomes its own branch of that same project.

The main families are of course:

eEchidna
My game engine... and operating system (eventually). Typically anything designed to place graphics onto the screen, act as a virtual machine, bytecode confirmer, network handler, basic artificial intelligence... you know: all of the stuff that generally is required to have a game function.

A game, or a desktop environment or an operating system.

Sexy Quest Monsters
My social network/online browser game project. My own website will likely show up in the ranks of Sexy Quest Monsters' engine usage. Mostly just on how a game engine is suppose to work and run.

Since Sexy Quest Monsters both will provide its own Openid and Oauth login, and accept login via other's Openid and Oauth logins (and even act as a proxy for these), it can work as its own website based solution. It is based on a "website application" format, that is where a lot of Facebook gets its own functionality (though not really that much) and how it is to be design would allow much of the Sexy Quest Monsters modules to be located off server on somebody else's website. Which does create for some rather unique features that could result in really unbalanced gameplay... which when solved would ADD to the world of computer security.

The Kid Norrin Project
With today's world... and the fact Zeus exists, there is a lot of stuff that needs to be fixed for how we handle social networking.

Kid Norrin, or rather "Silver Radd", will be an AI project designed to have one option to autopilot your online usage... by pretending to be you to people you find irritating... pretending to be other people you know to try to practice asking them certain things (some things are hard to talk to people about)... and fighting Zeus by essentially allowing another intelligence to ask if something weird is going on in the computer world.

Since the goal of Kid Norrin is to pass the Turing Test, part of the goals should be to allow Kid Norrin to have a bit of need for CBT, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy... as Kid Norrin can go as crazy as most normal people. Naturally since Kid Norrin can go just as nuts, there will need to be ways for Kid Norrin to facilitate seeing things as how they are not what they are suppose to be. Which would allow your computer to treat Zeus as a terrible hallucinogenic experience... and react like Kid Norrin is currently on Acid, to navigate such an issue.

A fair amount of Kid Norrin will cross over in eEchidna and Sexy Quest Monsters... most of what goes here are experiments with network interface software, artificial intelligence and stuff that will work for various Desktop Environment toolsets for Kid Norrin based concepts.

-=-

Beyond this, I'm not really certain what else I'd put stuff into various categories... and everything would branch from these notions. This should make my profile much more clean to look at.

Weird Fucked Up Nightmare

Well, had a bit of a really weird set of nightmares lately. Bad Heads keeps pulling me into them, for something she wants to make me aware of about them. I also swear I keep seeing Molly from fayanora's collective running around in the more "Derse" locations... but that isn't the true nightmare.

I have two styles of dreams. One that is memories from Laura!Doppelganger's life. The Other is a set of events on Dreamscape: The Nightplane.

Now, a few explanations of mechanics involved in the world should be explained:

Part of how I know this as a single world, is I can describe buildings and locations, and have other people mention they've shown up in their dreams. They have also done a similar set of conceptual explanations. There is also a map of where different items can be found in the world.

There are quite a few mechanical devices and electronic items strewn all over this world... but they require knowing how to fix them, or knowing somebody who can fix them for you. Usually the only people driving cars are the ones who know how to repair them. Likewise, I tend to be one of the few people using a computers, cellphones and gaming devices in this world.

I'm also one of the few people using psionic abilities, thanks to me learning Tarot Cards, African Geomancy and Iching Geomancy. This ontop of the extended abilities practicing Martial Arts and swimming gives over there. So there are abilities that don't entirely reflect how they do in the waking world in the Dreamscape: The Nightplane. No, it is not easy to predict what waking abilities will give the best abilities in Dreamscape. Bad Heads points out Botany gives a LARGE amount of power over there, as does cryptozoology and other biology based fields.

The buildings in Dreamscape: The Nightplane have counterparts in the waking world. Typically for something in the waking world to show up in The Nightplane requires that item to have a LOT of emotional energy around it. Whether this is inspired by it being seen in the dream world and brought into the waking world, or it being powerful enough in the waking world is a HUGE Chicken/Egg type paradoxical question that a proper answer can never be given in any satisfying amount.

The thing is: usually there is only parts of stuff in the waking world that match dreamworld stuff. Creating a patchwork architecture in Dreamscape.

Usually there are two emotional constructs in the Nightplace, that is Derse and Prospit. Yes, I did lift those terms from Homestuck. It nicely has terms that are useful for me to describe stuff in my life. Especially Blackrom ideas of Kisnemsis and Auspices, which I have had occur a LOT in my life... and it seems others don't entirely understand those existing without any kind of proper explanation.

Derse locations are usually born out of a LOT of anger, hatred and suffering. All the Blackrom based emotions and ideas... or Blackemo. Prospit locations are usually born out of a LOT of joy, love and kindness. All the Redrom based emotions and ideas... or Redemo. Which just having Molly from Fay's collective show up in the Derse locations, and quite a few of her drawings end up there... it is rather disconcerting.

Not the building I am currently living in. That is the former "New Wings" Vancouver. Now owned by Atira Women's Housing as "Sereena's". It... is is fucked. The entire building shows up in the Nightplane. Unaltered for the most part. It actually actively resists being altered as well.

Which appears to be what Bad Heads wanted me to know. The building I live in is apparently some really weird Eldritch Location.

And... something's hunting grounds.

I don't think Bad Heads is going to require me to enter into it as much, now that I've met the hunting creature. At first I thought I woke up next to a Windago, and was all like, "well, fuck, now I'm dead"... and the only thing I could think of was to say, "Woden? ... uh... Holda?" Trying to fake speaking German. Apparently it was enough to freak whatever the entity was out, into thinking I was able to face things as powerful as it down. Because that is what you do when you face a Windago... pretend you are all buddy buddy pals with Frau Holda... totally... >.>'

Turns out it likely wasn't a Windago, on the grounds there are too many living people nearby for it to be a Windago's Territories. Those are kind of notorious for having everybody on them dead.

Whatever I saw stalking around was extremely powerful and Blackemo based in nature.

So... apparently, I'm living in an Eldritch Location that matches itself perfectly in Dreamscape that is the hunting grounds for something really Blackemo and Powerful. First off, most locations are NOT likely to have perfect counterparts between Dreamscape and Wakingscape. There are usually lots off between the two. Even if it feels like walking around the Nightplane, there is usually enough different to tell the two apart.

The even weirder part is: there is a video game imprint on this area. Like... a pixel art based interactive media that can be played while in this area of the Nightplane. Something that is there specifically for me to grab.

So yeah... fucking irritating nightmares...

Not going to do the Monthly Game Thing

So... yet another month... and the monthly game thing never occurred. There kind of is a reason why: I detest doing stupid things without any reason or purpose.

I mean... stupid things with a reason and purpose I enjoy.

Every time I think about what would mostly amount to terrible tech demos for each monthly game, I cringe... and it gets in the way of me doing the actual programming.

Look at the images in my gallery. Look at how I complain about how I cannot just draw something without explaining how or why it came to be in the image. Something to give clues as to what is being viewed.

The same is interfering with doing those stupid small game dealies.

Besides, I'm not going to be employed in the game industry anytime soon anyways... so I came to a solution during a leisurely playing of Dwarf Fortress... which I am certain I am somehow screwing up, but I think it is too early to properly know.

I should get to work on that Side Scroller game.... the one that works as a sandbox type game. The one inspired by Megaman.

Which is not to say that cannot inspire content for Deviant Art... the thing is, it likely will have eEchidna being made from it.

The first goal is to create the Linking Component and the Graphic Placement Component... as the two first major parts to concentrate upon.

The Linking Component will ultimately have eEchidna be a framework application type dealie. With the first Framework item being added in, being the Linking Component.

Now, having only a Linking Component is not going to be easy to test, or work with. So the Graphical Component would be the next part to throw in.

Possibly with a Scheduling item half assed into the thing. The first demo would be a silly little visual thing. Involving running.

With possibly another demo creating a basic controller setup system and network play added into the matter... or more specifically sending controller commands over a network. Being able to see what you did is a completely different matter.

After the video demo and the controlling demo, the next one likely would be a network play demo. The next item would be working in the physics and chemistry system into the game. Then having proper biology setup into the game. Then creating the AI. Then refining each part. With naturally new ideas showing up over the course of setting up these parts.

But yeah... it is well... I hated the game a month demo.

Cross posted on my Deviant Art.

Stuff to set up my mobile empire of doom

In today's pimp my crib, we deal with me being a hobo. Any time I try to build up somewhere I live, it ultimately is at that point stuff happens that I half to leave.

Which is where I've begun work on creating my mobile fortress of cartoonish evil.

The idea is eventually get to the point where I have a Zeppelin Fortress, a Train Tracks Headquarters and a Truck Convoy HQ. Motorcycles able to be deployed from ALL of those.

Though... that is not until some time in the future. Right now: Television Dinner Fold Out Trays! Wooo! Wooo! oooo? Oh come on, humble beginnings people. Today: EVIL FOLD OUT DINNER TRAYS, then eventually we move up to an entire mobile gypsy fleet of kick assery AND EEEEEEEEEEEVVVVIIIIIILLLLL!

The idea is that at first I'll merely prop my laptops ontop of these dinner trays... but then I eventually box mod them to have the legs as part of their box designs. This on top of me using stactic straps to have ground strips applied to the dinner trays... and of course modifying my hardwares looks.

See... you'll know it was my evil empire that conquered a nation: out technology will be decked out in avocado green, rust red and fake wood panelling. Just like any fashionable attempt to conquer the world.

With this... will be purchasing cell phone amplification hardware. Right now I'm rocking a good 8KiB/sec of bandwidth to do my magic with. It was like back when I fucked with my internet connection settings... and got a similar speed. Usually it was about 3KiB/sec... but with a bit of lying to my hardware and software and jingling dialup setups... I could get it up to 6KiB/sec EASILY... 12KiB/sec during a few rare moments that would have my computer start to fry.

The thing is: most people design internet tools for having 100MiB/sec of bandwidth. Well, they did back during dialup days... just nobody complains about it these days. By working to boost my signal, I'm fairly certain my space to have stuff go up and down the network would be sufficiently increased. Or at least it would slow down the amount of dropped packets as I make use of the Internets.

Even with working on getting cell phone signal boosting hardware, and modifying it into clothing and the laptop box mods. Each one could easily work as its own amplifier.... probably not best to have them all amplifying at once... but it does allow enough redundancy for if one component breaks.

I'll still have to work on my various software things to make network communication easier on lower levels of bandwidth. The difference between the Internet of today and the internet from the days of dial up, is we've gained a few decent solutions to a lot of the bullshit from dialup... well, and usability interfaces for some of the solutions we had before the 1990s. Computer Science is like the most awkward dance with that retarded kid who thought they were good with computers, but in reality, nobody understood them at all, and he could kind of jimmy the settings in usable ways for other people. However he couldn't communicate what he did, so we just assumed he wasn't a complete asshat with electronics.

Essentially, I'll have to program what I've been promising for a bit, in the area of having a usable interface, a coding capability to run on old 8bit systems (eventually) and all the other stuff we forget in computer science when we come up with a solution to one of the other problems. God... computer science as a field is EXACTLY like that socially awkward dweeb kid. Right down to how often he forgets good ideas and solutions.

Either way... humble EEEEEEEEEVIL beginnings in my current goals. Cell Phone Signal Amplification hardware... and dinner table trays... and possibly my desired Avocado Green, Rust Red and Wood Panelling colour scheme! Seriously... electronics just miss that Wood Panelling on them these days.

Maybe I can box mod computers to have superfluous tape drives... as a computer is the tape drive. Constantly spinning.
Right... well, I'm now slowly getting my mobile internetwork fortress of doomed set up. Next step: dinner table stands for my laptops to be propped up on... and eventually turned into little kick out leg stands for these systems.

Right now, I am seeing a few commercials for a lot of the stuff developers are doing for Chrome. Which is quite impressive... but your not trying to impress me.

Nobody tries to impress me. I just state when I'm impressed... and that usually means you failed nice and good.

The thing with Chrome's Apps is they completely misuse the fact it is a web browser they are doing stuff within. I get that most people don't give a shit what OS they use, just as long as they can open a web browser in it... but there is a bit of a line for being able to manage your projects in an effective and direct manner and methodology.

Chrome already appears to have Chrome Native applications to jump into YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Which Firefox has... but nobody every really gives a crap about, or uses for the most part. If anything, looking at Chrome, I'm reminded more of stuff I want to develop on KDE. Which has me jumping back a bit... and going, "wait... a second. Doesn't Google have any other computer systems to work stuff onto?"

Wasn't there this Android thing that Google was making a decent amount of use with? This on top of Google+ being used for games and applications as well.

Google has three platforms it is developing and working with... for software that doesn't really need that stuff.

My view is a better set up: just move everything into Android.

Chrome? That is now a version of Android that can be downloaded onto your computer system, and defaults to the Android Chrome Browser. Though still able to access and handle all of the other Android applications. This would require a bit of modifications of the JVM it would be running ontop of, to get around lack of kernel level security controls on anything that isn't Linux... and even Linux. As well, running Android as a DE in userland is kind of... not something you can do.

My brain literally just killed itself, trying to imagine using Android as a DE in Linux. Good thing I am immortal, and thus not able to have death be anything other than a mere irritation... but still.

The thing is: if done decently, with a light level way to manage each Android concept in a modified JVM with init.d process handling, you should be able to have something that can run half ass on older computers. If Google could get my old Windows 98 computer... that I only have in fantasy land... as too much of my hardware lights on fire for me to have any computer long... much less one running Win 98... but let's say I have an old computer running Win 98. Maybe with a RAM upgrade to a generous 128MiB of RAM. You know, to give plenty of room for Google. Not that 32MiB of RAM should be a challenge, as Android runs on Smart Phones.

Let's say Chrome becomes "Chrome Android" a hybrid alloy of computer solutions, that essentially is advertised as a web browser like Chrome currently is... I think... I see stuff making it out to be a program platform. With a few bookmarks to Chrome Android specific applications or just starting up in a homepage in "Chrome Android Chrome"... if worked well, it could be more confusing than Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo for grammatically syntactical irritations. I mean... it could reduce the general codebase than Google has to maintain and audit.

Next is naturally Google+. Which honestly, would best work as a server based side way to administrate Androids and Chrome Androids. Naturally Google+ would need a Android Web Interface. Naturally the name that best would work is Android Google+Spyder Web... or assuming Spyder is redundant, Android Google Web. Wait... didn't DARPA set up some project called Skynet recently? Can we confirm the CEO of Google is not a Skynet drone? I know this is why I'll probably never be trusted near him... I'll keep trying to open his chest by twisting his nipple with a monkey wrench...

Actually, he might be into that stuff... you know, going with the more likely answer that the Google CEO is not an drone created by Skynet.

Though, there is a bit of an issue with such a name for Android Google+Spyder Web... somebody will eventually make a Gynoid Google+Spyder Web which will mate with the Android Spyders, then eat the Android Spyders and leave her egg sacks in people's heads... wait... maybe that is the point of Google Glass... to allow Gynoid Spyder to lay her eggs in your head.

The thing is, there is three obvious codebases that Google is operating with. One of which nobody uses (seriously? Google+? Eeeewwww!) and the other is being completely misused (Seriously, Chrome, you are a web browser, stop pretending you aren't... or stop pretending you are web browser).

Of course now I am starting to understand the issues Microsoft is facing when it released Windows 8. Google mostly entered into the Phone market to keep Apple from cash blocking them. Cash blocking is like cock blocking... but for more important stuff: money cash. Google then enters into the social network to keep Facebook from cash blocking them from the wall garden website side of things. With Blackberry having to UP what they are doing on their end to compete with Apple and Google.

Now, some of you might remember the last major change Blackberry has done with its system. Somehow you escaped the old folks home and are on the web instead of playing bingo or doing arts and crafts. When the head nurse finds out, you will be in trouble.

The thing is, I'm wracking my head to think of what I'd do to change Blackberry's setup. I'm coming up with nothing. It knows what it is doing. It is well designed. Well balanced, and very usuable. Very utilitarian... and I don't think adding psychodelic weasels and sparkles into Blackberry is anything other than stupid.

The main issue with Blackberry is people forget they exist. Dude... have like some scandal. Bill Gates was VERY good at causing scandal. In fact, I think that might have been his MOST successful way to run his company. Nobody remembers OS/2 Warp... why? Because we don't remember who was behind that. Meanwhile we have videos of Bill Gates freaking the fuck out on people and throwing a chalk at a student... wait, I think I might have mixed that up with one of my strict teachers.

People are all, "who the fuck is this spaz?"... and then his software sells, because nobody knows the other guys exist. Hell! Think of everybody who knows about the Phantom and Ouya game consoles? They are never going to come out: but their brand name is well known to people.

Blackberry, a generally professional company, that is smart and well done out, essentially has issues in the market, because they aren't as much of douche bags as Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs. Yeah... Steve Jobs made a computer into a lamps (to compete with Bill Gates making them into toasters)... but at least people were aware of these computerised lamps.

Hell, most people only know of Linux BECAUSE of Bill Gates being a douche. During the antitrust lawsuit, Bill Gates was like, "you know, there is this penguin... Pengoo I think... no that was a stop motion cartoon. I'm pretty sure there is a piece of software with a penguin mascot, I can use to justify my douche baggery here."... and it turns out he was right.

The thing is: Google isn't in much danger, and people know they exist. They could probably begin to improve their hold by simply reducing the code base they are developing with.

Oddly not multiple...

Whatever Bad Heads did, when she revived me last Octobre appears to have my head only have me (Good Heads) and my unborn twin sister (Bad Heads). Seems bringing me back to life in a much harder to "shatter" fashion has a side effect that I don't splinter off as much. Other parts of the Good Heads soul generally are drawn together into a single entity.

Bad Heads mentions that she understands the strategy I was using... but ultimately it is not needed any more... and would be impossible to set up as it was again.

I'm having a few episodes of anxiety attacks from all the parts that were Good Heads being in the same person.

The only other person that shows up is my time traveling paradoxical daughter that I'm certain Bad Heads just invented to really fuck with me in a nightmare. She did a good job of her nightmares, as Elissa Crickmore frightens Bad Heads even more than Elissa frightens me. I just go with it being a character a writer made going beyond the writer and making her own decisions.

-shrugs-

I think the whole "not able to go multiple" and having several Good Headses fused into one Good Heads is part of Bad Heads going really far out of her way to create a terrible nightmare.

  • Mood: Shitty

  • Listening to: Virgin Radio

  • Reading: Video Game Media/News

  • Watching: Venture Bros

  • Playing: Final Fantasy V Advanced

  • Eating: Not currently

  • Drinking: Coffee

Oh gawd... I am looking at my general project listings. Most of them are mnemomics it seems.

Comics

I have the computer with layout software kind of repaired. So I will likely do more scripting for Hurricane of Katrina... and mess around with prototypical layouts for comics. Until I can go ahead and do the actual set of memoirs.

Homestuck Fan comics

These will also be made.

Mnemomics

I am doing this... it seems.

Illustrated Guitar Chords

Well, I am learning how to play guitar again. I haven't been attempting this since I was fifteen years old. Though, the guitar chords are a bit of an irritation to remember.

So naturally I realise that as I drew Tarot Card images, Geomancy Divination Images, Iching, monster girls, mythology and various Monster Quest monsters... it became rather easy to recall those concepts.

So now, a project that shall be started is illustrated mnemonics for Guitar Chords.

Honestly, most of them will look generally in place here, as it is kind of biker bar and Rockstar stuff anyways all up in this. Right now, we have "A Minor", "D" and "G" for chords I can remember how to depict. G will probably be a G string over the guitar frets with the guitarists figures around it. A Minor will be an underage audience member lifting up her shirt, with her right hand depicting how an A Minor should be fingered on the frets (with a guitar neck superimposed over where her fingers are). D... no idea. I'm thinking Dee Snider, D cup boobs or Dee Snider's Dick. Maybe it will be Dee Snider's Dick in some D Cups... with the guitar neck superimposed over it, to show where your fingers go.

The guy doing the lessons asked what I wanted to know how to play... and I'm like, "ultimately? Power Metal"... and he was going, "I don't have any of that". Then I shrugged, "let's go with Classical Guitar. As that is kind of what Power Metal is based upon"... then he looked at me like I was crazy. Even though Power Metal does have a lot of Classical Guitar riffs influencing it, with its harmonic guitar actions, and simplistic lyrics than anybody can sing along with.

He ended up giving me Yellow Submarine... which I mutilated. However, I am but beginning in playing guitar. Everybody sucks and is total dildos when they start out. It takes years of practice, fail and hating yourself to get so you aren't dildos with guitars.

Illustrated Rules of the Internet

Yeah... this needs to finally happen. Not just Rule 34... all the rules should have illustrations depicting them. Possibly even Rule 34 variations of the Rules of the Internet. My head is full of WTF... in case you didn't figure that one out.

Geomancy

This is slow going. Mostly in that it really is hard to come up with a proper image for most of these... as most descriptions and depictions are not illustrated.

Honestly, I think just by doing this, I will get people generally making use of my artwork and having spread from this alone.

I look forward to some media item about medieval alchemy having my geomancy images mixed in, with the other stuff. Maybe in a future movie like the Thirteenth Gate... or National Treasure if it is doomed to a lame location. Seriously though... the Thirteen Gate, or Drag Me to Hell... or something that includes images that doesn't suck.

Or... Rob Zombie... -drools-

I think if Rob Zombie used or even referenced any of my stuff, I'd like explode in a pile of quivering joy... and have to be hospitalised from happiness based trauma.

Tarot Images

Still doing these. Just... having a few delays in how I wish to depict them. Also other things have my attention right now.

Thirty Day Monster Girls

I love these... this is totally a lasting thing.

Thirty Day Gore

This will never end... this is far too much fun.

Game a Month


March 2013

Didn't happen due to computer issues.

April 2013

Has been begun.

Velicorapter Incestual Relations

 ANOW THAT I GOT YOUR ATTENTION!

I want to talk about something I thought about for The Jurassic Park World.

At the end of Jurassic Park 3, it is suggested that the Dinosaurs have begun to move to other islands, and continue to grow and move into the rest of the world. Which is a valid fear... but... how much genetic material do they have to work with?

How do they avoid the obvious issues with Incestual Degradation of their genetic code? I'm certain that it is explained in one of the Micheal Crichton Novels... but those are irritating as all fuck to actually read through. His movies are awesome... his novels... ag! My eyeball fucking hate the novels. In the first movie, it is explained that they did not have much for dinosaur DNA, that they were lucky to splice together what they could... and ended up mixing in bird DNA to replace what they were missing. This was after Lizard DNA kept repetitively failing.

So the likely only had one set of DNA for each species. Two would be a bit unrealistically much.

They didn't even have any reason or rationale to have enough DNA to have mated pairs, as all the Dinosaurs were to be female so as to stop them from being able to breed. Never mind female means there is a W and Z chromosone pair, rather than X and X... due to how that set of species works. I mean, one would like to slam Dr. Grant for being sexist in creating a lesbian dinosaur pen... but in reality it is a bunch of gay guys, by different species (and genetic reproduction style) standards.

So the whole point was every dinosaur was to be a clone... and likely from one or two sets of DNA of that species.

How the hell do we not have a bunch of Velicorapters with Down Syndrome? If anything Jurassic Park and its followups have more in common with Deliverance than it would with any other movie concept. I mean... sure we want to equate Silence of the Lambs as being similar to Jurassic Park, as Hannibal Lector has a certain deadly quality to him. Also being based on a serial killer who 1950s Atomic American Suburbia had Transgenders turn squirrely like that. Where as today, trans* are just loud and obnoxious. While loud, annoying, obnoxious, opinionated and in your face trannies are not exactly the most entertaining to deal with... but compared to the "it puts its lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose again"... I'll take today's trannies. Even if it means I have to stop picking on Britney Spears. Who else could see Chris Crocker in a 1950s Atomic America Suburbia world going all Hannibal Lector? Who else cannot remove that image from their head now.

Your welcome!

Either way... when they end up meeting the dinosaurs in the Micheal Crichton "Jurassic Park" universe, the dreadful music that should be playing is Banjo music. Fears and hints of velicorapters around the corner... and the Banjo starts playing. The rapter looks at you... it is not saying, "your liver looks tasty with fava beans and a nice Chianti"... it is saying, "you have a purdy mouth, boy... I bet you squeal like a pig!". That whole Clever Girl thing isn't the Rapters trying to kill people... it is a misguided attempt to initiate an inbred mating ritual. If anything, the people should be glad they die... if they don't the have themselves being an obviously quantifiable mating pair for them.

This is without taking into account how they are hybrids should render them infertile.

How the hell do they spread. They should die off in a couple generations from gastric intestinal disorders much like puppy mills. Or via today's modern viruses and bacteria whom have variations they did not encounter on their island, in amongst the surrounding ones. Hell, one viral mutation, and they lack the genetic diversity to have any of them survive... and if any do... it will be another set of inbred raptors that have to save all of raptor kind.

On a related note, I do not enjoy Neon Genesis Evangalion... and yes, I am aware of the ending. Probably more so, after I learned the ending.

But I do enjoy the Jurassic Park series... enough that I begin thinking about the science behind it... and the biological likeliness of such a series.

That I then have to share my realisations... my realisations about Banjo Music and the admiration of Pretty Mouths and Pig Squealing that Raptors now shall inherently have.

Doing the Inana Relationship Spread

Well, let's try doing another Tarot Spread... to try to get to the point where I have a solid set of Spreads.

I got the spread via the usual methods... and you can read the Inana's Relationship Spread over at its forum thread.

[Local Version of the Spread (click to open)]
  1. What do I feel?
  2. What does the other feel?
  3. What do I bring to the relationship?
  4. What does the other brings to the relationship?
  5. How I see the other?
  6. How the other see me?
  7. What do I need in this relationship?
  8. What does the other need in this relationship?
  9. What does the relationship need?
  10. What we are not seeing/aware of?
  11. Where is the relationship going?

Here is the layout (doesnt look very nice, but is easier put the cards this way for the reading).

__1____________2__
5___3________4___6
__7______9_____8__
________10________
________11________


Now, I did this with thinking Vanessa in my mind... yeah... no idea why I am struggling with that... well, until now. Here are the cards I got.
  1. Two of Pentacles
  2. Ten of Cups
  3. King of Pentacles
  4. (Major Arcana) VII Chariot
  5. Three of Cups
  6. (Major Arcana) XIII Death
  7. Two of Cups (Inverted)
  8. Eight of Rods (Inverted)
  9. Seven of Swords (Inverted)
  10. Page of Wands (Inverted)
  11. Seven of Cups (Inverted)
So... yeah... it is pretty much how I knew the relationship was headed... from the beginning where I am attempting to use it to invest my own damned spiritual energies in a way it desperately needs it. I can offer discipline, security... turn the relationship into gold... just take my advice and it could really go places that make both of us feel much better... uh... spiritually. What I need her as is... Three of Cups... which is not really that much... but it seems what I really need is trust. If I cannot get it... things will be terrible.

Though... I did not expect that she felt as much as she did... she usually says she does not think of me that much. She offers Triumph and victory... that is so much freaking success with stuff... what she sees me as is a change... a natural one, but still a rather major change in her life... but she does need to stop going so fast with how she is thinking her stuff over. Her mind is racing with all sorts of crazy ass shit... and that needs to slow down, it is not helping her.

The relationship needs to understand that it is in for a hard time, and to buckle down. Take the buck ride, and be responsible and stuff. Neither of us know about some immature twat who is insecure with themselves (this means, apart from both of us) that likely is using a position of power to try to cause trouble. Either as a giver of advice, or just in positioning and what not. We also both need to stop being so damned delusional for it to work.

Wasn't so sure I was delusional... but then I did list her as a Three of Cups... when she probably should be the Empress(III). Her mind is racing... which can cause that.

Tags:

Why do I do this?

Well... things have just gotten rough with my girlfriend...

And I am handling it poorly. Completely fucking it all up.

We met at my art studio, and she generally knew to talk to me when I complimented her hair. What I said after that did not seem to let her down either. Though, I tend to be insanely harsh on myself.

We spent all day on Christmas Marathoning Doctor Who... then on Boxing Day we created a Boxing Day tradition that I wish to continue. It involves making somebody VERY happy in their "box".

Though as things went on... she kind of got irritated with how open I was about what we were doing. In my mind, I do not get how much of what I say is completely sexual. I'm having to figure out how not to have everything out of my mouth be some creepy pick up line.

I've socialised with only a limited amount of types.
  1. Stoners... probably some of my best friends in high school got through the entire thing high on so much fucking pot it is redonkulous.
  2. Retarded Special Jerry Kids... I got some wonderful tips on things to do to look like a complete retard
  3. Murders... I try to keep the behavioural traits I've learned from them hidden... which is one of the things I've learned from them. They also taught me some wonderful lessons. It is easier to be kind and caring when you know how to make people dead... and how rude people are after they are dead. You thought they were assholes before... their dead carcass just goes rude to the one hundredth degree
  4. Creepy people trying to get into my pants... I'm surprised at how many people have been like this.
  5. People with a heavy and thick amount of Aspergers and Autism. A couple people with OCD, but not many.
  6. Psychotic Trailer Trash Girls... these ones also taught me a few terrible socialising traits.

Since we do not burst out of our parents chest, and know instantly know how to socialise, allowing eugenics to be a simple matter of killing everybody who doesn't immediately don a monocle and a top hat... I really have no idea how to fucking talk with people.

I mentioned to her, that this was a good point, and a really good issue to bring up.

She also brought up the notion that we need to figure out some really decent options to not end up with her pregnant.

Unfortunately, that has been playing in my head ever since.

This girl is insanely beautiful, brilliant, loves the best things, makes me want to do terrible things to her and she cannot keep her hands off of me.

The thing is: I am transgender, and as much as I'd love to just go away to that happy feeling place... waking up three years from now with four kids and another one well developed... that is not going to end at all well for me.

There is a bunch of silly things I have to deal with, being a transgendered girl, who has found herself attracted to women.

First off, is the notion going around people's heads that I think repeating a terrible scheme from 1960s sitcoms of dressing up as a girl, and sneaking into the girls spots will get me laid, is something other than moronic.

Second off, a lot of girls in the place I live have been abused. Many of them have had men as their abusers. A fair amount of them understand grafting a penis onto a person makes them a sex crazed maniac.

Third off: even if I wasn't transfemale... getting somebody I've only known for a couple weeks knocked up is not exactly going to make anybody pleased as punch around me.

To make things worse, my number is insanely high... I'd have to do a proper count again, but it is something like 80, with a 15% margin of error. It could really be 92, it could really be 78... I have been unconscious for enough sex (or drugged up) that my partner count is really just a really damned poorly educated guess.

She, on the other hand, really hasn't had too many partners. Though one of them included a guy she dated for four years, whom she used a rather scary euphemism about their break up. The scary euphemism was "he was confused"... yeah... I get shivers from that... and I know none of that story.

We are both loving the crap out of each other... but... I am forcing myself to be the responsible one. As well, thanks to my childhood of having drug induced rage issues and plenty of time in what looks remarkably like the prison system (without actually being the prison system)... am very good at containing the side of me that wants to fuck the bejeezers out of her.

It kind of helps that if anything happens that ends up hurting her, I'm kind of the one that will get blamed. If an STI shows up (I've been last tested in Octobre, she has never been tested)... it will be my fault. It doesn't matter what reality or logic states... the lynch mobs will fuck me the fuck up.

We have been having issues with protection. It seems that she seems to squirm anytime I try to have a condom on... making entering her impossible. Yet, anytime I don't have one on, the save bet is to keep my pelvis one foot away from her... literally using a foot tends to help it be not as bad.

I've introduced her into the world of Futanari, and she pretty much has stated she is a lesbian for women who happen to have a penis (those are my words... and blame me for them, not her).

The thing is... right now... any time there is anything that doesn't go smoothly in sex... I start to back away, and back off. Block her away from me. Not going smoothly isn't so much "something not sexual happens". Not going smoothly is that there is something with the current safety guidelines that is not happening... which could risk her getting all preggers on my arse.

Then I do the equivalent of putting myself into time out. Where I sit and stare at a wall. Occasionally it is even a Facebook Wall (dry wall is usually less punishing to stare at than Facebook).

The other part... is she has started to get jealous of the time I spend on the computer. Asking what it is I get from the computer that she cannot give me.

Well, for you guys, being the text that I see... it is pretty much like domestic abuse. Sure, I get a few conversations that are nice... but a large amount of stuff online is the sort of chatting equivalent of the tranny hooker on COPS coming out half blurred screaming about how her brother doesn't actually love another woman, and that he is her husband... I try to not model my life after COPS... it can be hard. It is because I am broken.

As much as people try to claim I look things up on Wikipedia and try to out intelligent people on the internet... I don't understand those claims. I'm imagining me being pulled out of a meth den, half nekkid during a prostitution bust... and seeing the stuff I am saying in the chat logs work perfectly fine in those issues.

She has asked me to try doing that with her... and I keep explaining that I am quite certain that this is very much illegal... and the sort of thing many of the women in the building are being kept in protection from.

The thing is... she has stated she doesn't like that I avoid me talking all emo and self hating topics about fucked up shit in my past. She has stated she loves hearing all that depression shit I've went through. I'm just looking at her and thinking, "yeah... but I don't like talking about it."

She hates that I am so hard on myself... but... I don't know any other way to be.

And now she has gone up to her room crying and pissed off at me.

I'm still putting up my wall.

Every time I am happy with her... I mentally stop myself. As I have mentally honed my mind to consider true happiness a trap... something is going to happen. Some group is going to bust in, and tell me that they knew I was a horrible kid. Hell, maybe even Vanessa might start laughing in my face stating that she only pretended to like me... like every girl in middle school and high school ever did. Or maybe I will fuck up... and then I have to deal with the women lynch mobbing my ass... with Vanessa not being able to do anything.

See... any girls that have been into me, usually have this insane notion they can handle a lynch mob... until they kind of have to handle a lynch mob. Then they act confused at the stuff I stated being true... you know... having dealt with several lynch mobs in my time.

I have no idea what to do...

I expected myself to be attracted to men. I put up all my weapon proficiency points into being able to seduce and keep a man. And now... my body deciding to be into women kind of has me going... well fuck... maybe there needs to be like a GameFAQs on how to excel at life.

No, the Bible really doesn't count. I checked into the Catholic Church to rebel from my Orange Irish mom as a Teenager. Yeah... most teenagers look into worshiping Satan, I look into going to Sunday Mass with the mortal enemies of my mother.

Hell, I've even pretty much confirmed that I don't even chase women who are into me. Which is why I kind of stopped bothering. As usually if I was chasing a woman... it usually was the first sign they were not into me.

She is pissed off... I am pissed off. She is now going to be acting like she doesn't want me to hold her... I actually honestly don't want to hold her now. Having actual limits on how much touching I am generally okay with.

She kept talking about her wanting to know what my dark past is about. Me stating that I don't want to really bring that up, if at all possible. Her thinking I don't trust her with it, me stating I kind of don't. Her stating that she really trusts me... and AAAAAAAGGGGG!

I'm probably going to show up tomorrow morning with new cut marks. I've already had one blister shower over this.

I keep telling her, I am not good enough for her... she... she doesn't get that I am not good enough for her. She thinks I am beautiful, intelligent, funny, interesting and well dressed. I cannot figure out how to let her know she is wrong in a way that doesn't hurt her.

She doesn't seem to get it.

I don't know how to be what it is she sees me as being.

I am not intelligent... really, I am not. The evidence is literally right in front of her.

I am not funny... no... seriously... I don't even know where that begins.

I am not well dressed... I feel good that I go outside and not completely fuck up my outfits... even though I know I totally look hideous and poorly dressed.

I am very much interesting... but more in the escaped mental patient way... which is the terrible way.

As per beautiful... well... considering how often I have had sex without being conscious for it... I must concede that I might be decent looking.

She tells me to stop being down on myself... I keep telling her I am just telling things how things are.

I have told her, that she is dating the Queen of Swords... her on the other hand... is a Queen of Rods who is trying to be a Queen of Swords... which is not something she will figure out how to do anytime soon. That she should just say what is going on. She has stated that has gotten her in trouble... and yet ignores how I mention that the RCMP detachment in the town I grew up probably has a plaque dedicated to my person.

I don't want to be touched.

She is angry with me.

I only have a few strategies to deal with this...

Why do I do this? has also been cross posted on KatrinaTheLamia's deviant art account.

Tags:

So, I have another spread from the list on Aecletic. Over in this little nice thread here: Reincarnation Spread.

Copying the thread contents here, incase internet uninternets and breaks. So you know, have like five backups for anything.

[The post containing the spread (Click to open)]
I saw this spread in the book 'How to read tarot Spreads' by Sylvia Abraham. I've had some good results with it so I thought I would share.
  1. Who was I in my last life
  2. Was I married?
  3. Was I happy in this past life?
  4. What kind of work did I do in that life
  5. Was I an honourable person?
  6. What type of problems or challenges did I deal with?
  7. Was I a famous person?
  8. Was my health good during my past life?
  9. How did I die?
  10. Did I have a soul mate?
  11. Is my present love someone I knew during my past life?
  12. Am I linked to my parents of today from a past life of mine?
  13. Are any other members of my family from a past life of mine?
  14. What do I need to learn during this life time
  15. Will I reincarnate after this present life?
>>>>>15>>>>>14>>>>>13>>>>
12>11>>09>08>>06>05>>03>02
>10>>>>>07>>>>>04>>>>>01


And... now the cards.
  1. The Hierophant
  2. Two of Pentacles
  3. The Sun
  4. Nine of Pentacles
  5. The Hermit (Inverted)
  6. The Tower (Inverted)
  7. King of Cups
  8. King of Wands
  9. Ten of Cups
  10. Seven of Cups
  11. Two of Swords (Inverted)
  12. Nine of Wands
  13. Eight of Pentacles (Inverted)
  14. The World
  15. Queen of Swords
So... in my past life I was a prophet whose relationship was mostly with a bunch of whores generally VERY happy in my life.

A self made woman, I tended to shirk away from duties I should have been looking after. My biggest issues was dealing with oppression towards my person.

I was a very caring person, generally kept my emotional side under control, but generally cared a lot about people, provided anyway I could for them. In my life, I just kept going and going, getting stronger and more effective as I went along. Until I died from a disharmony in our family.

Having a soul mate is a bit of a ridiculous question as anything to the imagination was there... I but dreamed it and I had it. There appeared to be some competition for my own person.

On the area of previous influences it feels like I am being followed around. My parents making me rather wary and the general information of other people out there just overwhelms my mind of who I have met once before.

My goal in this life is to know all of the world... and I will reincarnate at my own control, thought, whim and desire.

-=-

This oddly holds up with a few other spreads I have done in this area... seems my biggest issue with not moving around much in my previous life, is that everybody seemed to want to jump my bones. With no possible way to decide who I'd choose from it... and... they followed me into my next incarnation.

That is... the most hilarious part of this read... the fact in my previous life I was a veritable mac daddy... and my band of hoes followed me.

Tags:

Oh hey, got this from aeclectic... over in the the thread describing it Present Life as Explained by Past Life.

Now, just putting a quick local one, as a form of cache or back up step incase the internet decides it wants to uninternet.

[This Spread Description (Click to Open)]
xx1xxxxxxx8x
xxxxxx5xxxxx
xx2xxxxxxx9x
xxxxxx6xxxxxx
xx3xxxxxxx10x
xxxxxx7xxxxxx
xx4xxxxxxx11x

Present Life

1 - Situation/issue in Question -OR Present Life Purpose
2 - Challenge/Obstacles in present life
3 - Talent/gift in present life
4 - Present life outcome/situational outcome -

Past Life (in relation to present life)

8 - Related Situation/issue in Past life -OR Past Life Purpose
9 - Related Challenge/Obstacles in past life
10 - Related Talent/gift in past life
11 - Past life outcome/outcome of related situation in past life

Interim

5 - Death in Past life: Circumstances surrounding the end of the first life
6- Life in between lives
7 - Intention for current life (devised during in-between life, prior to incarnating into present life)

It was a pretty interesting spread, and can be used for a general life
purpose and continuity thing, or for a specific issue that you want to
shed light on...like, "why am I afraid of men with facial hair?", etc.


Now, keep in mind... there being two souls in the same body... meaning two previous lives between the both of us... this might be a bit weird.
  1. Three of Swords [Inverted]
  2. Knight of Swords
  3. Page of Pentacles [Inverted]
  4. Five of Swords [Inverted]
  5. Three of Wands [Inverted]
  6. The Sun [Inverted]
  7. Seven of Wands
  8. Eight of Swords
  9. Six of Cups [Inverted]
  10. Six of Pentacles [Inverted]
  11. The Hanging Man [Inverted]
So... my previous life generally didn't have much of anything done. My inability to incorporate different ideas made it boring.

My dead was thus very disappointing (why... why does that piss me off as much as it does?) and I had a few lots of loneliness and uncertainty--fear really--in the world between worlds... so I came back to prove a point... and gain an advantage.

In which my main purpose, and common situations is to confuse the fuck out of people, having the challenge to dive into things (having been trained to dive in head first) with the subtle knowing while doing thus... my main strength is the ability to think of more ideas than anything else, to be a dreamer. The outcome will be no more fucks given about anything anymore. Able to handle change, gain the ability to fuck with shit without worry.

That... sounds... like... it might actually make sense.

Tags:

Well, not certain if I have reported my current understanding of my multiplicity onto LiveJournal, so let's actually work to write this out.

Seems that my status as being left handed might have added an odd curve ball into the mix. Which would explain some of the odd states involved here.

They have found that nine tenths of people who are left handed, are the results of twins who ate their sibling in the mother's womb... that is, of the ones that are not obviously twins. This has to do with the general more ambitious nature of the left handed child using the general energy of the other twin, to boost his/her own strength during the term.

While I... well, we (I suppose), lack a better explanation for how the next step has came to be... I guess it could be phrased as, "if you believe in souls, what happens to an unborn twin's soul, should the unborn twin be eaten during before she can be born?"

While I am prochoice... mostly as it means it involves a choice, not for the reasons of wanting to be a baby killer. I mean, I am a baby killer, but I really don't enjoy the notion that my choice to kill children might not be something I can handle. At the end of the day, the children I kill, should come down to me and a decision to put the telephone cable down for a few minutes. In uterus, it is might bit tougher to kill children without causing direct physical damage to the mother... killing children will always cause emotional and psychological damage to the mother. Which is why anybody who wishes to make the choice to kill children in that state needs to get help from a third party that is neither the mother or the child desired to be snubbed.

But I digress.

It turns out in the case with Good Heads and Bad Heads... we are both here in the same body. With Good Heads typically having the role of operating the legs, feet, arms, fingers and occassionally tongue. As she likely was the one who consumed her twin sister. The twin sister still having some presence... but not really that much, overly.

As per how this ended up working out for other details, besides being left handed.
  • Use to get stories that Mom and Daddy thought I was twins... but it was chalked up to equipment monitor failure
  • The stories that I use to do somersaults, roll around and other general unlikely things while in Mom's belly... stuff that is a bit odd for a child to do in pregnancy. Something none of my siblings ever did.
  • Mom's bruised ribs. To the point where she had to get medical attention for it. Like something was trying to escape from within inside her.
This can be moved into having a bit more accurate of an understanding of why Bad Heads shows up as different from the other personalities.

Due to the conditions present during our life... it seems Bad Heads never went to having any kind of multiple status. Good Heads appears to have had this happen with her own person. It is also why when Bad Heads had to take over from Good Heads... the blurring didn't happen anywhere near as much. Good Heads, was still trying to figure out how to revive one of her own versions of herself.

Reset Katrina being one of the versions Bad Heads managed to grab... and then base a much harder to permamently kill Good Heads around her as a default. With Always on Fire Katrina being used a bit for inspiration, to remind Bad Heads what happens when Bad Heads dies... and to try to instill this ability into Good Heads. To help Good Heads figure this stuff out a lot quicker.

Turns out, part of how all of the Good Heads Collective could keep their information tracked (as none of them had any idea how they were doing it) involved Bad Heads storing it and tracking it for them... without so much as a thank you ever (until now).

Also, with Bad Heads stuck in the dreamscape, she managed to develop a bitter odder sense of how to handle humans.

It has been noted that the twin sister we've kept locked up, seems to not understand emotions and dealing with people as well as the rest of us. Bad Heads has several times managed to come to the conclusion somebody was interested in us... which Good Heads managed to quickly deny such an interest.

This also explains why the person I have a weird quantum sync with, to the point of gaining creepy twin powers, only seems to sync up with Good Heads... and seems to act like how normal people act around Bad Heads. The explanation is that this guy is a future incarnation of me... turns out, he is just the future incarnation of Good Heads. Bad Heads is not somebody mentally related to him... beyond a previous version of him eating Bad Heads.

Let's try doing the "Your Name" Spread

This is another I found in the listing on aeclectic. Over in the "Your Name" Spread thread.

A quick copy and paste because Internets going down always sucks... and always have five backups. ALWAYS.
[This is the contents (Click to Open)]
It came out of the book Heart of Tarot by Amber K & Azrael Arynn K


The instructions did not quite fit the diagram of the name they used as an example[. S]omething [state] about row one when it seems like they are refering[sic] to row two?? I don't know-lol-anyone who has this book I'm sure knows what I'm takling[sic] about. It is possible I was just not reading it right & no matter how many times I read it, I was stuck on my first take-any way- I did this spread how I felt it should have been done- the reading was absolutly stunning-

You use your whole name, giving a card to every letter.

Your first name is divided into 3 parts- past- present & future. The three sections should be balanced...

Let's say the name is TOM..T=past; O=present M=future, now tom is actully[sic] short for Thomas, in that case it is divided as TH-OM-AS.

[I]f there is a [ modulus of 3], like my name, my present section had 3 cards & outters had 2. This is what I mean by balance.

The middle name is done in the same manner- the 3 sections representing; [obstacles]-self-allies

The last name gets divided into 5 sections- it is said that if there are not enough cards to add the 2 or 3 needed. In most cases {unless you have a REALLY long name} there will be one card for section 1-2-4 & 5, with 2 or three in the middle. [...] [T]he meanings of the cards in those 5 sections are body-mind-spirit-emotions-will


My Reading:
Past:: (C-A-T): Six of Cups, Eight of Wands (Inverted), King of Wands
Present: (A-L): Three of Swords, Four of Wands (Inverted)
Future: (I-N-A), King of Cups, The Devil, The Fool (Inverted)

Obstacles: (C-A-L-I): Queen of Wands, Three of Pentacles (Inverted), The High Priestess, Eight of Swords (Inverted)
Self: (S-T-A A-U): Death (Inverted), Four of Swords, Four of Cups (Inverted), Three of Wands, The Hermit (Inverted)
Allies: (B-U-R-N): Ace of Swords (Inverted), Magician (Inverted), Seven of Cups, The Emperor

Body: Justice
Mind: Page of Wands
Spirit: Seven of Pentacles (Inverted)
Emotions: Two of Pentacles
Will: Six of Swords

It... seems like an overly long reading to state in my past was somebody who could keep going and keep going and build stuff up... likely somebody I knew. Who provided a set of emotional harmony in my life. However, the movement was just going to head downwards between me and this other person.

In the present, I only have hurt, and retreating to my own to meditate on this stuff.

The future includes poor evaluations involved in me doing carnal fleshly desires with somebody who only has kind thoughts for me, that are carefully controlled by that person... I guess I might be getting a sugar mommy/daddy.

My obstacles include a fight with authority in some regards that is sloppy, for somebody who generally very caring... fights against authority and generally filled with emotions.

My self is described as hiding to consider things during stagnation and peace... hiding from responsibilities.... to figure out the answer and new lesson.

My Allies involve a wise caring figure around managing food and supplies, people who hide what is hurting them, people who mismanage their power, people who can change the world with their imagination.

My body is balanced, and generally kept in an innocent state... wow... looks like it is talking about disease.
My mind seeks to begin a journey where I burn bright and continue to build as I go.
My spirit is somewhat scared and concerned about the direction it is going.
My emotions are full of ideas on how to build themselves up more.
My will, as ever... is about getting up, and going forward.

Seems a bit of a silly spread... verbose... and a bit ridiculous. Won't use often, really.

Tags:

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by yoksel