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I've, naturally, been going over my archive of articles on this blog type location thing. I noticed I never mentioned how that last relationship ended. There was one vague ass post about me not knowing how to love right... but beyond that...

That... relationship got progressively worse. I have mentioned what happened on my Facebook and my Deviant Art.

You see... the jealousy thing started to happen. It uh... happens a lot when I am with people. Though... this one had other details showing up. I was vaguely aware she cased me to some degree... but as the relationship came up... she apparently seemed to try to search out where I lived and where my art studio was... and ended up planting herself in both.

I generally thought her knowing that she should move in on me, when I complimented her hair, was weird... but I don't have much for successful relationships. Maybe it was normal.

She started getting into fights and disputes designed only to push my self esteem down. Break me as a person... for reasons. At the same time, she accused me of cheating on her a LOT. She accused me of wanting to leave her... and my eyes wandering... a LOT.

There where cases where I only noticed a person so that I wouldn't run them over... and this translated to me somehow wanting to fuck them. There were times where I literally wanted to kill people... and she took that to mean I wanted to leave Vanessa to have sex with them.

She got REALLY crazy green eyed. Threatening and being mean to anybody who I noticed existed, and at the same time worse to any who even thought about talking to me.

Her rationale for getting pissed off and jealous was "how my eyes lighted up over having a conversation, and that totally meant I was thinking about sex."

No... I'm an extrovert. I get energy and feel empowered by socialising. Luckily, the vast majority of socialising exists with me keeping my pants on me. Or... that is what I have been led to believe. Maybe I am wrong, and anybody who gives me a conversation I should proceed to remove my pants and leap on them with my tongue down their ear. Though... that would mostly end with me just being really scared to talk to anybody.

As a result my psyche's current pressing issues revolve around being an extrovert generally denied the ability to get energy by talking to people.

She'd go from being really mean and aggressive... to suddenly nice and apologetic. With the biggest spark being me trying to be responsible... any time I was like, "we need to eat to survive" or "we need to rehydrate" or "we need to try to find work" or any activity that wasn't me in the bed ready for her to scronk me and her generally playing bejewelled or scronking during that time. This would result in various fights.

Then she would start to be really nice and apologise and well... the make up sex was actually fairly good.

The biggest issue was: the green eyed monster side of her.

So yeah... some closure for people on Live Journal on that matter



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